Friday, January 28, 2011

Exploring the Filipino Psyche Day 13: Faiths

Now I talk about Faiths. The Philippines is a country with people who hold strongly on the value of a certain practice of a religion, or a spiritual life. Most of the people are Catholics, then there is Protestantism, Islam, Buddhism, Iglesia ni Cristo (Church of Christ), Aglipay and many more. In my other entries, I have mentioned tools from the Filipino's survival kit which include staying happy and festive by putting laughter and being positive most of the time; generosity and hospitality that are rooted from the people's care for others; and music which gives joy and also therapy for those sorrowful days. Then there is religion. Although I see religion as not a tool in the survival kit of the Filipinos, but as the essence in their willingness to move on and move forward no matter how difficult or even tragic their experiences may be.

I was born and raised a Catholic. And because I am one, my parents made me study in a Catholic School. I also had my first communion, know the rosary and did go to mass every Sunday. And because of Christianity, Holy Week is very sacred in the country, and Christmas is still more about Jesus Christ than Santa Claus. I have noticed that many Filipinos are great devotees of their religion. The El Shaddai community, a Catholic Charismatic group founded by Brother Mike Velarde, gather every Saturday. And during their gathering, because many followers religiously go to the worship day, traffic is definite in the place where they have it. Thus, every Saturday, many, especially taxi drivers, avoid the route where the place of worship of the El Shaddai community will be held. Then every Wednesday is what the Filipinos call Baclaran Day. Baclaran is the place where a famous Catholic Church stands. Many Catholics go to the Baclaran Church on Wednesday to hear mass, or they go midnight or early morning before dawn to pray in the church. Many celebrities and those who prefer a silent prayer would do the latter. So on Wednesday, traffic transfers to this area.

Being a Catholic, and being raised as one, my orientation as a child and a teenager when it came to religion was more of this faith than any other. But as I got older, I became curious about other faiths. I met more people outside Catholicism and realized that there was really no big difference between one's faith to the other. The practice may be different, parts in the belief are, too, but the reason is pretty much the same for all--to be a better person. It seems to me that we wish to join a group or community that has the same translation and interpretation as our own. One that shall fill a certain hunger and answer the questions, personal questions, for us.

As a Catholic, I went through the motions of obligation, but did not seem to feel the importance at the beginning. Then, one day, I turned the page of a newspaper and read about a Yoga meditation center. My friend and I went to see how it was. And after we meditated, it felt nice. We felt light. And when we opened our eyes, the spiritual guru said something that I do remember up to this day. He did not say anything that moved me, but he did say something that made me stay: "Don't expect us to change you. You do that on your own." And with that simple statement, I found my spiritual home. I am not saying that everyone should join Yoga meditation, the friend who came with me went to meditation but continued to hear mass every Wednesday and Sunday. All I am saying is that this method worked for me, personally. For others, this simple statement may not mean anything, but for me, who is the youngest in the family and who grew up having others tell me what I should do, someone who assured me that I am free to think on my own, and for me to do the growth on my own, was a welcome change. So I embraced it immediately, and through my meditation and journey of a spiritual life, I realized the importance and value of each faith.

A choice of faith, I believe, is like a search on what is suitable to the individual--not one fits all. I believe this is how it goes since we all have different questions we want answered. And because of these questions, one may feel more drawn to reincarnation, and the other may not. One may feel more comfortable perceiving the greater force as God, the other calls it Universe, and another prefers Allah. But if we think about it well, what is the big difference? It seems to me...nothing. Since more often than not, most individuals want one thing--authentic happiness.

Most wars of man are caused by conflict on faith, on religion. Why should two faiths fight? Just because one does not translate life the way the other does? Why do we insist that we all should see things the same way? Why do we sometimes feel that 'our way' is right, and all others made a mistake? Maybe the unity we need is not about belonging to one way in perceiving things, not belonging to one translation, but more the acceptance that there are numerous ways, yet the goal is one--compassion for all, love. I believe that being anchored by a certain religion or spiritual life is a good thing, as long as we follow this path not because we think we become better than others, but because it is in this path that we shall learn how to care for others more.

Now as I sit here typing away, I remember our Muslim brothers and sisters, and the challenges they go through because they were born Muslim. I do not know and fully understand the Islamic faith, so my stand on it is just curiosity, because I do not know much about it, and also because I have friends and acquaintances who are Muslims. As I wrote my first book, I decided to somehow defend them and remove the stigma of terrorism, which many have connected their religion to. So there I was,walking around and looking for books which may represent their Koran. And as I paced around the place where a book fair was held, I finally found a Muslim lady with the booklets I needed. She told me what booklets to buy and she even gave one free. Then she invited me to a talk their religion had the next day. So I said, "Oh, I would love to go, but I hope you understand that I do not want to be converted to any religion." Then the nice lady looked at me, and with her sincere eyes, she smiled and replied, "I will not convert you. I just want you to understand us more. We are not bad people and we just want you to know that." I was so embarrassed with this nice lady for making conclusions on her invitation. "Oh. Okay. That would be nice," I simply said. But then I became curious about her since her face changed and I felt it had something to do with my comment, which I hated myself for. She then told me what their life was like. The every day discrimination they had to live with. The stares of rejection others gave them, and as she told me stories, I could sense her pain in her voice, her sadness.

I believe that religion has its good intention no matter what faith this is, but no matter how good the intention is, the individual still has a personal interpretation of it. Thus, there are those who are devoted to it in a sanctimonious way, others use fanaticism, and the one way I believe shall help us understand why it is there is humility. If maybe we seek God, Allah, Universe, the greater force with the thought and idea that this is a personal journey, then maybe we will respect the choice of faith of others which are different from our own.

Now I remember Rachel Corrie, an American who joined the International Solidarity Movement (ISM) and was assigned in Gaza. She was crushed to death by a bulldozer when she acted as a human shield to protect a Palestinian home. Rachel, at a tender age of 10, gave out a speech on why she cared and was concerned about poverty and equality for all men, and women. At a tender age she understood and perceived things with a big heart, and with love for all. Then she went to a place where killing happens every day, and religion being the core of this war. In the one act play, 'My Name is Rachel Corrie', which was based on Rachel's e-mails and her diary, there was a line that struck me, and this was the calling and heed of the Palestinian family that took Rachel in. As the character Rachel in the play did her monologue, she talked about her conversation with the kind Palestinian family when she wondered why they were so kind to her: "My mother in this family pleaded to me, 'Please tell them. Please tell them that not all of us here are like them. We are kind people, and we do not like what they are doing. We also want this to be over.' " The line made me shed a tear. A cry for help of innocent people who believe in goodness even at the midst of all bad. And Rachel Corrie, even as a child, had a dream. And her dream was not only for her, but for all of us. If a child can dream this big, then why don't we have this dream with her?

I went to 'The Day of Remembrance' of my lady spiritual guru once. It was a festive mood with shitar playing and sanskrit chants. Then at the end of the beautiful music the band shared with us, it was time to eat. I sat beside one of the members of the band. He was a very nice man and we talked about spirituality. Then I asked, "You are Hindu, are you not?" Then he answered, "Yes. But first, I am human just like you." I took a pause and he knew I understood what he wanted me to understand, that a religion is a way, a choice, but it does not define one to an extent that we become so different from the other. Our religion, our faith, I believe is not there to separate us from each other. It was formed to unite us.

And as people with the same label, 'human being', what indeed is the difference?

Two videos on Rachel Corrie: 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UK8Z3i3aTq4&feature=related 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_2Qz3E9wR8 

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Exploring the Filipino Psyche Day 12: "Hospitality and Generosity"

I read an article in a Philippine newspaper, 'The Philippine Daily Inquirer', the other day about US Peace Corps volunteers being awed with the Filipinos' hospitality. One volunteer, Shashank Iyer, could not believe how his host family went out of their way to borrow a videoke machine and prepare Bicol express with tofu, ginataang puso ng saging, and vegetable curry for his birthday. His host mom, Cherry Daniel, even took quick lessons on how to cook vegetarian dishes for her new son. For the other volunteers, they said it was an experience of warmth and friendliness in our country, removing all fears of terrorism that tainted the image of the nation. And with the help of the smiles of our people, they saw  the Philippines as a haven of many good hearts and yes, a great supply of hospitality.

The Filipino's hospitality to guests, I believe, comes from their generosity. And this generosity they show when they are in the country, and also when they are not. There are many heroic tendencies in the stories I have heard: A caregiver who did not want to leave Lebanon when there was a war because the old man she took care of was to end up alone if she did. So when the people from the Philippine Embassy was there to pick up our Filipinos, she chose to stay with the old man. Another story I remember is one that a friend shared and had taken from 'YouTube'. It was about the singing nurse Dominic Limpin. Dominic is a dialysis nurse in the US, and he goes the extra mile of care for his patients. He sings and dances for them. He makes sure he brings with him a song that will help not just the recovery of one's body, but more than that, the happiness of each soul. He believes this joy he has will help the healing process. And it seems the patients believe this with him, since they always would ask for the singing nurse. The willingness to give and share may be a trait many of our people have. Thus, making them quite heroic in attitude and character. One person that comes to mind as I write is a dear friend of mine, TJ Enriquez Smith. She also was a dialysis patient before her family finally found a compatible kidney for her. But before the operation, she went religiously to see the doctor to have them filter and clean her blood. And as she waited with all the other dialysis patients, she, being in pain herself, went around to give support and talk to the others who felt hopeless. "Kaya natin 'to. Hwag kayo mawawalan ng pag-asa (We can do this. Don't lose hope)." She would say, and tell them stories or be goofy with them just to keep their spirits high. She also allowed new nurses to practice on her since none of the patients wanted these new nurses to treat them. "Nagkakamali sila tapos ang sakit kasi mali yung nai-injeksyon nila, wala sa ugat. Pero paano matututo yung mga bagong nurse kung hindi sila bibigyan ng pagkakataong magpraktis (They would make mistakes and it would hurt so bad when they miss the vein. But how will the new nurses learn if no one gives them a chance to practice)?" TJ said to me once. TJ was in pain, but she continued the battle, not just for her, but also for the people she called 'classmates' in the hospital. And in return, when TJ and her family did not have enough money to pay for her visit to the hospital, her rich 'classmates' were more than willing to pay for my friend's treatment. "Basta hwag ka lang um-absent, ha (Just don't be absent, okay)?" they would tell her.

As I see it, I think somehow hospitality has become synonymous to generosity in our country, in our people. Our people, even those who have decided to work in other countries--some wanting something new, many wanting something more for their family and from life--have shared a dose of their kindness to others. Thus, becoming good representatives in showing our brothers and sisters from different nations the Filipino behavior, hopefully the behavior of many--I would like to think.

Another nurse story I heard was about a Filipina who took care of a rich old man in a coma. She talked to this rich man every day and told him stories. The day came that her contract ended and she had to come back home. So she went to his room, talked to him, and said goodbye. As a nurse, she very well knew that even when one is in a coma, this person can still hear and understand. But maybe the rich old man's family didn't know this, for they quarreled inside his room about properties and how to make him sign while he was still asleep. So when the man finally awoke, he called his lawyer and asked him to change his 'will'. He told his lawyer to look for the Filipina nurse and give her everything because she took care of him.

 Now this generosity, I believe, is a trait found in the people's hospitality too. A Filipino family in the province would let guests sleep in the master's bedroom while the owners of the home sleep on the couch or mats for the night. If you pass people during lunch time and you catch them eating, they would ask you to eat with them and say, "Kain tayo (Let's eat)!" It does not matter if they know you or not, people will just offer their lunch to you. I remember a friend of mine who looked out the window of a building while we were in the second floor, he saw the mechanics of the shop beside this building eating, one mechanic saw him, and so he shouted, "Kain (Let's eat)!" "Sige lang. Kumain na ako (It's okay. I've eaten)!" Also a reminder to foreigners, if a Filipino asks you to eat with them, I noticed the security guards always do during lunch time when you enter the building they work for, it still would be better to politely say 'no', since usually the food they have is just right for them. Nonetheless, they will still share with you their food if you take them in their offer because they will be too shy to say, "I was just being polite."

Another fascinating quality of generosity is giving away things one own because the other likes it. I told my cousin once that I liked her bracelet, she removed it and gave this bracelet to me. My aunt told her friend that she thought her bag was lovely, her friend took all her things out of the bag and gave this to my aunt. I remember reading once in the newspaper about Rob Schneider, a Hollywood actor whose mother is a Filipina, saying, "What I have learned in the Philippines as a kid is to never tell my relatives that I like their stuff. I told my aunt that I liked her painting on the wall, so she took it off the wall and I went home with a new painting." And on the side of hospitality is of course the great smiles. Josh Hartnett came to the Philippines to shoot a movie. He did not mind the not very fancy hotel he was booked in. He still enjoyed his stay because he said he liked the people. I read that he would wake up very early and stay on the porch to wave and say 'good morning' to everyone. He said it was a delight to see total strangers wave and greet him back. He treated his new Filipino friends to a little party of lechon and beer on his last day.

This nice trait of ours is quite known already that we have been called the best resource of our country--the people. Though this may seem like such an over-patronizing entry, I think it is but right for us to be reminded of our good side. We do have our not so good traits, but maybe if we instill it in ourselves and not to ever forget this positive characteristics people from other nations have reputed us with, and that we do indeed have, we shall choose to improve and continuously develop this better side of us. For us not to be disheartened with the storms of bad behavior our fellow Pinoys have exposed to others: The hostage taking of foreigners and the Maguindanao massacre have made us held our heads low, shamed by these inhumane acts, making us somewhat feel unworthy.  But if we never forget that there is goodness in us, that we are more kind than brutal, then maybe we could help our country more. Maybe we could be the walking reminder to others that we, the people, are indeed the best resource the Philippines has.

In my old blog site, someone asked if I could put my sources. So here is a couple of links where I got my information from: 
 

The Singing Nurse:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mqf9c52ib9U

US Peace Corps Volunteers in the Philippines:

http://newsinfo.inquirer.net/inquirerheadlines/nation/view/20110104-312411/US-Peace-Corps-volunteers-cant-get-over-awe-of-Filipinos

Exploring the Filipino Psyche Day 11: "I'll try" instead of "Sorry, I can't go."

Filipinos love to party, go out of town or have a night out with a few friends, or many. We love doing enjoyable things with some or several people around us. We like having a nice dinner or coffee with friends and meeting them when we can. We laugh and take pleasure with the exchange of anecdotes or side comments of those with us. But before the gathering, is the planning stage. And in the planning stage we call our friends and tell them the date and place. Those who can go answer with a definite 'Yes!' But those who cannot go will answer with 'I'll try', or will not answer at all. Somehow I understand the hesitance to respond of those who cannot go, because I have noticed that there are those who cannot take 'no' for an answer. It is nice to know, though, that now that I am older, 'no' has been an acceptable answer.

So here is my next question: "Why is it hard for us to accept a decline of a friend when we invite them?" Okay, I do understand the little disappointment that comes with it since we would have really wanted our friend to spend time with us, but I have noticed that sometimes we get very disappointed with the choice of unattendance that we end up getting angry at our friend or feeling very hurt and offended. So I wonder... Do we feel rejected when a friend says no? Do we take it personally and think they just do not want to see us that is why they would say no? As I have mentioned, it has become a little different, now that I am older, it has become easier--at least for me--but thinking back, it was quite difficult when I was younger. There were a few arguments and even bigger tampo (a word that closely means disappointment, and is mixed with giving the cold shoulder to the person it is being addressed to) whenever I would say no. Maybe because when we are younger, responsibilities are not as much as when we get older, so we expect our friends to be able to say yes to many of our invitations. And when they cannot go, we get angry, offended, or very hurt. Thus, making many stick to the "I'll try" response instead. But why should we get angry, offended, or very hurt when we ourselves cannot make it to every nigh-out, dinner, party our friends invite us to? I guess we have to remember that our friends have other friends, too, that we are not the only ones in their lives. Just like us, they have friends from when they were very young, in college, at work, and from many more ways they have met the people they know. A friend of mine, who is a psychologist, told me once: "Never use a friend as a reason why you cannot go out to see your other friends. Family is okay, it can be acceptable. But another friend, maybe not." So I asked her and also thought to myself, "Why not?" Me and my stubborn ways did not want to accept it. I did not and do not want to follow that rule. Because why was it unacceptable? Our friends have other friends, and that is an inevitable fact.

So it made me wonder again: Are many of us possessive friends? Do we feel rejected if a friend declines an invitation? And because we ourselves do not like 'no', we say, "I'll try" instead? Maybe it would be better to be less possessive and let our friends just tell the truth when they cannot go. I understand 'out of the country' trips or an 'out of town' plan since we need to check our schedules first and save up for a cruise or trip away from home, so an "I'll try" answer, more often than not, is the truth--that we shall indeed try. But when we cannot make it to a party or gathering, we sometimes say "I'll try" instead of an outright "I can't go." And this is because some of us, or maybe more than just a few, are very sensitive with 'no'. Sometimes I think we need to grow more confidence in our relationships with friends. Friends are not possessions, they are people we care for. And when they cannot see us for one reason or another, it does not mean they love us less. It just means they are busy and maybe have other things they need to do. And why should we be sensitive with a decline anyway, when we ourselves would need to say no to maybe not just a few but many invitations? And I think any reason is valid as long as it is not being disrespectful to the other. If we decline properly and also be understanding ourselves, then the answer "I can't go" I think is fine. Because there are other things we may want to do aside from having a fun night with friends. And these other things are not bad things. On the contrary, it may be a journey to personal growth, improvement, or happiness. It can be anything. So if we were to do the same and may have to refuse invitations of friends, then why take it against them when they cannot make it and refuse us back? And one thing I have noticed, the more we demand, the less they want to see us. We just become an obligation to them when we force them. And those friends that do not demand at all, those are the friends they want to see all the time.

Friends are people we chose to love. They are not to own. They are not our accessories. They are individuals. And just like anyone, it is their happiness that should be our priority if we really want them around. If we want them to stick around, then maybe it is better to accept 'no' as an answer--not with a heavy heart, but with an understanding one. Our friends have other friends, just like us. And sometimes there will be days that they have to, or just want to, see those other friends of theirs. And that should be fine. I do not think we should compete with the friends of our friends. We do not own anyone, and we never will. So to let them know that we do care for them dearly, maybe it would be nice if we make them feel more free. Maybe it would be better to not take things personally, but just to understand that just like us, they have other things they need or want to do.

So next time when we invite them and they finally send a message on our phones and say, "Sorry, I can't go," and as we look at that text message again and disapprove the decline in our invitation, I guess it would be nice for us to do a little rundown in our heads and remember the memories these friends have generously shared with us. And if most of them are beautiful, then we cannot deny that they are truly our gifts. And as priceless presents, they are not to be possessed, but only cherished.

Exploring the Filipino Psyche Day 10: "Inuman Na!" (It's Drinking Time!)

Sometimes I wonder if this exploration is solely Filipino or maybe, somehow or sometimes, I touch on mainly just the human psyche. Since I really think in this core of ours--the depths covered by all differences in superficialities--is this sameness. Not a partial similarity, but a whole exactness. And maybe it is here where we truly understand each other, that no matter what race or nationality one is from, we can relate to another because it does not only come from a culture of a country, but from human interest. I may never know the answer to this curiosity, so this will be just one of those hanging questions that does not have an absolute answer to it, which is all fine to me...I guess.

And one thing I think many would understand is beer, or just plain alcohol. Now why is it that in every festivity alcohol is part of the fun? This I cannot see as purely a Filipino practice since this is done in many parts of the world. Germany has its Oktoberfest, the Irish are known to be a happy bunch as they celebrate their happiness with a few, or a few more, drinks. In different continents the enjoyment with a drink of beer, a hard drink or a glass of wine is a common exercise. Alcohol assists the delight of the night, or maybe day, with friends and the party mood. It seems like a drink with the possibility of leaving one a little dizzy is a preferred fate. As it is true in others, it is true in the Philippines too.

The most famous beer in the Philippines is San Miguel. With its international appeal, many still choose this brand more than others. Pale Pilsen is for the loyal supporters of its original taste. Cerveza Negra for those who like the tinge of bitterness in their beer. And San Mig Light has become a favorite, kicking out Super Dry and NAB (Non-alcoholic beer) of the brand. I like San Miguel, but I think Manila beer is not bad.

For the Filipinos, a night, or maybe sometimes mornings and afternoons, of drinking is how we bond with friends. Maybe this is the reason why among all the tag lines of San Miguel Beer, it is the 'Iba ang may pinagsamahan (There is nothing like good bonding)' line that we closely associate with the beer. And in our country, while we drink, we eat: sisig, grilled squid, gambas, sizzling button mushrooms and the like. We also have the exotic food balut that really goes well with a bottle of beer. And alcohol being a close companion of cigarettes for many.

So here we go again, the 'why' part. Why, I wonder, don't we just drink juice when bonding with friends? Just the question alone makes me feel how quite corny that would be if we indeed only ordered something like a glass of cold sago't gulaman when out with friends. It is not like I do not like my sago't gulaman. I love sago't gulaman. But somehow the drink does not require friends, and I don't think my friends who smoke would think of having a cigarette with it. Maybe siomai will be better in this combination. Coffee is for a quaint night with friends who plan to chat, or with breakfast in the morning. Egg nog and hot cocoa is for Christmas and New Year's eve, water is for energy, wine is for fine dining, but alcohol, per se, is for bonding--a fun night with friends and acquaintances.

I went out with a few of my close friends the other night, and unlike me in my 20s, I cannot seem to drink much anymore. One time I went out and only had water the whole night or juice. And somehow being in a bar with a glass of orange juice in my hand did not gel well with the setting (although I have to say, come morning of the next day, I still felt fine and dandy, unlike a night of too much alcohol). I enjoyed myself that night, but something seemed to be lacking--my drink with alcohol. I am not promoting alcohol and I am not saying we need it to have fun, but it seems like for many of us maybe, we have gotten used to having it on a night of fun with close and casual friends, and this is not excluding myself. We seem to enjoy the uninhibited feeling it leaves us with when having a few glasses or bottles of alcohol. It makes us feel more relaxed and un-shy. And that is why we want it in parties and fun nights, or sometimes even afternoons.

I remember when I was in my 20s, in college, and would drink a lot when bonding with friends and acquaintances. I always was sort of (or in a big way) a 'just one of the guys' kind of girl. So I would go drinking with my girl friends, or mixed girls and boys, or only with my guy pals. So if other girls felt like Leizl of 'Sound of Music' when her Ralph threw pebbles on her window, or the Juliet of someone's Romeo, I was more of a drinking buddy from a movie somewhat like the 'Dazed and Confused' one. If these women would have men throw pebbles on their window, I would, too, but the dialog would be different.

In Leizl or Juliet's dialog with their Ralph and Romeo, it would have this affect:

As the boy throws pebbles on her window, he might say...

Boy : A thousand seas I shall set sail for thee, my love. For the distance I cannot bear. Thy heart shall beat for only one, as it favors the agreeable cherish of none other but the truth of yours. May you speak thy loveliness, as I wait...

And as the girl looks down, she says...

Girl : Thy heart beats fast indeed. For none other shall I cherish...but you.

A sweet potent exchange between man and woman.

I had pebbles thrown on my window, too. But this was the dialog:

As my buddy throws pebbles on my window, he would say...

Boy: Carla! Inuman na! (Carla! It's drinking time!)

Gurl: Ayos, 'pre! Nanjan na! (Okay, buddy! I'll be down in a minute!)

Short and direct.

If I look back at my drinking history, I may say I have bonded with several people with a bottle or glass of alcohol with me. Since drinking is a social activity for many, there are those whom I had met but do not really know, thus labeling them as simply ka-inuman (drinking acquaintance). They are those people we talk to while having a few a bottles or glasses of our favored alcohol during inuman time (not to mistake inuman time as party, though. Inuman time is just purely that-drinking. It is calling all for a night of drinking). People whom when we see again, we do not recall their names nor stories, for it was just a night of casual chit chats, yet maybe we do remember their faces.

So now I recall this one time when I was at the beach, there was a group of funny gals and boys who invited me to their night of drinking and bonfire by the beach. I said yes to the invitation, and so there we were, laughing away at every joke while a few had their rum cokes, others had beer, and few more a different drink. Come morning, we saw each other walking by the shore, but because we did not know the other's name, we called each other 'bonfire', since aside from the alcohol, we bonded with a bonfire. I remember how happy I was to see them. One shouted, "Uy, bonfire!" And I shouted back, "Bonfire!" It became my name and their name that when they left they said, "Sige, bonfire! Ingat ka (take care)!" And I shouted, "Okay, bonfire! Kayo rin (You too)!" And we waved at each other, never to see each other again.

Again, I am not one to promote drinking, but as this is a mere observation of what is, this is what I have noticed: Drinking is a bonding activity. It is part of parties and fun nights, and even in the bible did Jesus turn water to wine for a ceremonial festivity. So it seems to me that its role is quite significant for many. We drink as we do the little chitchats with people we know casually, or people we know well. There may be just a psychological fondness to it, but fact remains that it often is present. One reason, I assume, is that it makes one feel more relaxed, and inhibitions are removed. It makes one feel more free, to loosen up a little and enjoy the night, the party, the inuman time. But with that being said, I think too much alcohol is not really a good idea. Drink to be merry--a better choice than to drink to be drunk.

Enjoy!

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Exploring the Filipino Psyche Day 9: "Music"

I walked our busy streets once and took the rhythm of pace everyone had in the daily grind of commutes. I stopped for a moment and checked items being sold in the streets when this young girl--I suppose an 8-year-old--burst into song. She was a sampaguita vendor who may had decided to take a short break from selling and performed for no one really, but herself. She looked at items while on her right wrist hung leis of sampaguita. It seemed like such an effortless exercise for her to reach the level of performance in her singing. I felt like I entered a musical, where one character of the story sings and all extras in the scene simply continue with their hustle, undisturbed by the sudden melody that filled their routine. So I stepped back and observed more. And, yes, recalling moments of then, I remembered, I have seen this before--lots of times even: A quiet place with rumblings of noise, or no sound heard until one person breaks the silence with his or her song. Yes, a common practice.

Filipinos love music. Sometimes the songs I hear are not of my preference, but that does not really matter, that is off the point. The point is we Pinoys need to have a melody we enjoy. It may be in the background while we have a few drinks or a conversation with family and friends. Or on the foreground as we sing along with guitars and pianos, a jukebox or a 'magic sing'. I have witnessed many times of a sudden explosion of song, or a simple hum of a famous tune. One time , while I was typing away, someone using the other computer suddenly sang at the top of her voice. No one budged, everyone simply continued to do their own thing. And another time was when the one who sat beside me decided to hum while studying. A shirtless man in the beach scratches the bulge of his tummy. And while he does this, he sings. Those who help us at home may sweep or wipe furniture, and as they do this, they sing.

The nice thing, though, is that many of us can carry a tune. So to hear someone use their voice with a melody is usually a delight more than an invasion of space. Many of us can sing. I guess that is why an entrepreneur was confident enough to put up a whole restaurant with singing cooks and waiters. I think many of our Asian brothers and sisters have found out about the Filipinos' singing skill since my friend who works in Malaysia is always asked to sing. His friends would say, "You're Filipino, right? Sing for us. " They see us as good singers. And it is not just our Asian friends, it seems to me that even those from farther countries have already discovered the Filipinos great ability to sing. We have David Foster, the manager of Charice, planning to come back and look for more talents here. And there is Claude-Michel Schonberg, producer of famous musicals such as Les Miserable, who, after choosing Lea Salonga and the first batch of Filipinos for the first run of Ms. Saigon, continued to favor numerous Pinoys for the said musical that also played in different countries. Lea Salonga went on winning a Laurence Olivier and a Tony. This talent has opened doors for many: Jovit Baldovino, a siomai vendor then, has an album which is now the number one selling album in the country; Arnel Pineda, who admittedly told the public that he was not in a good state then because he was a drug user, is now the lead singer of an internationally famous band named 'Journey; and Charice Pempengco, a young lady from humble beginnings, was discovered first by Ms. Ellen Degeneres then by Oprah, is now an international star who sings side by side with Celine Dion, Josh Grobin and the like. Their love for music has carried out a strong hold on where their passion rests, and it is through their great passion that they found this voice, their calling. Their love for music led them to a destiny they, I believe, never even dreamed of.

Music is something we Filipinos find enjoyment in. With music, we entertain guests and socialize. This makes me remember this one time when I went on a solo trip to Puerto Galera. Nothing with me but my clothes and my diary, in case I needed, well, something to talk to. I met this nice lady who sat beside me while I was eating in Claudio's bar (anyone who has gone to White Beach several times know who Claudio is, but my solo trip was years back so I don't know if Claudio's place is still there). The woman started to chat with me. I told her about why I was alone, that I always had wanted to go to Puerto Galera on my lonesome to see what it was like without my friends around. She looked at me sympathetically and caressed my arm ever so gently. I think she was convinced that I was some defensive, friendless weirdo. So with a kind soft voice she said, "Okay...okay..." What a kind woman, I think. Then she said, "Likha, sama ka sa 'kin. Mag didisco tayo (Come with me. Let's go to a disco)." And I said yes to the invitation. So that night she brought me to a diskuhan. I never experienced dancing to 'Achy Breaky Heart' so many times before under a mirror ball. But who was I to complain? I was there to enjoy what she enjoyed--so I did.

The next day, I walked around the beach until I reached a little place which was owned by two members of the 'Pinikpikan' band (sorry, I forgot their names, I think one of them is Joey). I would love to share with you this story, but even though these two men are from a band which I really like, the tale I have of them is not related to music. But maybe briefly I shall write about it: What these two men do is that they save plants. Every time a residential home or an establishment is to be built on an empty lot, friends and neighbors inform the two band members about it. And what these two band members do is that they save as many plants as they can in these empty lot and rehabilitate them in their green house. They also told me that they had seen many rare plants around the area. "We want to make these rare plants common again." They told me. They help as much plants as they can. I think that is really great of them.

After meeting the 'Pinikpikan' band members, I went to the place which was actually one of my main objectives for going to Puerto Galera, aside from 'alone' time, was to meet Lars Jorgensen and Monica Ray, the founders of the Stairway Foundation. Lars and Monica are a beautiful couple from Denmark. They put up the foundation in 1991. I discovered them through a CD I bought of 'Goldtooth', a musical about street kids by street kids. They were called TASK (Talented Ambitious Street Kids). They even had Rolly, the singer of Cocojam, a band I also like very much, as their lyricist for the Filipino songs and also the person in charge of music. What Lars and Monica would do is look for the neediest street children in Manila, then they would bring them to their foundation in Puerto Galera and help the children gain again a sense of dignity and value by making these children explore their own sense of creativity. Stairway Foundation's 'Goldtooth, A Street Children's Musical' performed in Manila and in different countries.

So here we are, a country with so much talent. Our streets are even filled with it. Our prison cells are also composed of it (Cebu inmates). Music is our life enhancer. Some of us listen to the same songs again and again, and others perform with it and evolve because of their love for music and creativity. And in a country where problems are quite grave and remedies are, at least for the moment, still a few (although I do believe that we are slowly getting the change we badly need. Have faith, we'll get there) music relieves us from our pain. Music, I believe, is our entry to a world out of difficulty and into the hands of hope and happiness. It brings us to a place where everything is okay and troubles are forgotten even for at least that moment we have music with us. But at the same time it also makes us reflect on our sorrow, and soothes us from the disturbance hardships give us.

And because of all these, I see it as the reason why music in our country is not just something we like. It is not even something we simply love. It is something we love with a passion. A passion so great that no matter how raw we begin with it, for many of us, we improve in it. Music is our outlet, our therapy. It is something we connect with, and in the end, we do not see it as separate from us, but something we are one with, something that becomes our very own. It is not just a pleasantry which gives us simple delight only. For once we fall in love with it, it does not become the sound from the background, but the melody that fills us up. Sometimes like a guide who wakes us up to an idea or thought. Sometimes like a confidante who allows us to feel our sorrow. Sometimes like a pal who helps us enjoy and dance. And sometimes like an angel who whispers, "You've got a gift--use it." And with its help, our passion for different fields are revealed: our innovativeness, our unique contribution to this world of ours, and even our celebration of 'self'.

Whatever it does to us, whether it is for enjoyment, it is for reflection, it is for an awakening, music plays a vital role. We may chant a song, hum a tune, or sing our vocal chords to its highest ability, dance a beat, or play a harmonious rhythm, it does not matter, to most of us, music will always be our best friend.

To learn more about Stairway Foundation Inc, please visit this link: www.stairwayfoundation.org

Thank you, let us not forget that there are those who need us. And there are those who have begun to show us how to help more. Let us make our lives not just a blessing to us, but a blessing to others.

Exploring the Filipino Psyche Day 8: "Christmas"

As Christmas is fast approaching, I decided to take a linear stroll on the events that happen when this holiday becomes our most awaited guest. Because once 'ber' enters, the countdown begins.

In September, drizzles of Christmas songs begin to fill the air. Malls and department stores play a few Christmas melodies to welcome the coming of Christ, together with the jolly 'Ho ho hos' of Santa. People start sprinkling their homes with tinsel and glitter. Bazaar organizers begin to advertise and approach possible concessionaires. Concessionaires begin to gather their supply of decor and other goods for the night markets they choose to join during the season, while buyers begin to save for the first batch of friends and relatives in their Christmas list.

Come October, the mood shifts to the spooky occasion of Halloween. Shops put their cobwebs, spiders, and skeletons as display. Costumes and face makeup are sold to mothers who bring their children along; and the scarier masks are usually for the fathers who want to join the fun, or teens to adults who wish to come as something more than the usual cute kid when they were younger. Parties are numerous, too, during Halloween. And it seems to me that homes go through an identity crisis at this time of the year. My friend’s home has the witch and the pumpkin patch by her doorstep, but once you enter, a Christmas tree welcomes guests with its bright lights. Then as Halloween leaves the home, and after Filipinos have done their duty in respecting their dead on the 1st and 2nd of November, the mood goes back to Christmas.

As November enters, Christmas songs are more and they begin to slowly take over all pop songs in stores. Many TV ads are changed to Christmas commercials. Friends and relatives begin to e-mail and tell their loved ones when they are to be expected back home. This is the time when Overseas Filipino Workers begin to miss home more. This is when the pinch of being so far away puts a tear on their cheeks. This is the time of the year when I feel for our OFWs, for this is the time of the year when they need to be a little stronger than usual. Filipinos are very family-oriented, and to be far from home is never easy for the Pinoys when it is Christmas. I honor our OFWs for their strength and heroic status they have: A salute to all of you.

Christmas indeed is not just a holiday. It is a season—a period of 4 months. And finally when December enters, Kris Kringle begins. This is a little game companies play. Little slips of paper with names of employees-- and employers, if they wish to join--are put in a small box that is passed around. Everyone gets a slip of paper, and the name we pick is our monito or monita. This is the person we secretly give a gift to every end of the week. Little rules such as 'something you can wear', 'something blue', 'something funny' are guides to what should be given every week to the monito or monita. And on the last day, usually during the Christmas party, we give our last present and reveal ourselves to be the giver of the gifts to that colleague. I like Kris Kringle. I think it's fun. It's either that or I just love opening gifts on Christmas (I never open any of the gifts I receive before 'the day'). Because when it comes to gifts on Christmas, I become competitive. I secretly count how many gifts my cousins, sisters, and brother have. And I smile with glee every time I see that I have more than what they have on their pile. But this is my secret, maybe now they'll find out. I never compete with the younger ones, though, since they always win anyway.

Christmas is the time for fruitcakes. I do not know how it ever started, though, that fruitcake became such a popular gift to give. But I think many who do get fruitcakes for Christmas just change the tags and pass the same fruity gift to the next one. I wonder how many fruitcakes really get sold on Christmas. Then there are the numerous Christmas parties. There was this one time I went to this facial clinic, it was a Wednesday, I entered the place and asked if I could have a facial cleaning. It was the first week of December, and the nice lady said, "Ay, Christmas party namin ngayon kaya serado na kami (Oh, it's our Christmas party today so we're now closed)." I looked at her, a little irritated, and said, "Ang aga naman (It's so early)." Well, it was... I went there on a Wednesday--December 8, but it was already party time for them. I think she got hurt with my comment since the next time I went there she did not give me a smile anymore. Or maybe not, she might not have even remembered who I was anyway since I went back not right away. Maybe she just had a fight with her boyfriend since she caught him with another girl and he confessed to her that it was the other girl he loved. So maybe her bad mood had got nothing to do with me.

Then...there is traffic. Filipinos are used to traffic, especially during the 'rush hour' which is at 6am and 6pm. But during the holidays, traffic can get a little unbearable. Everybody seems to be out every day. Parking lots are always full, cars and other vehicles stop moving in the streets, and everywhere we go will be a whole lot of people roaming around for the same reason why we thought of roaming around, too--Christmas. This holiday makes people want to stay out longer. I don't know if it's the Christmas breeze, but the festive mood of the Pinoys is heightened during this season. The Christmas lights fill the streets and salespeople wear Santa hats. The chilly wind fills the air and changes the mood. Sometimes it has its melancholic grip, but most of the time, I hope, it is filled with the scent of silent joy that steadily lingers in the air. Even the Catholics 'Simbang Gabi' is part of the fun, the 9 masses one has to complete, which is a practice to welcome the coming of the Christ, is also believed to make wishes come true. After hearing midnight mass or 'simbang gabi', little stalls outside the church are lined up to sell bibingka and puto bumbong to the church goers. Bibingka and puto bumbong are the favorite street food of Filipinos during the Christmas season. Then there are the numerous bazaars in hotels, villages, and even parks. Night markets are full in malls and other places. People go around with their Christmas lists, making sure they buy what they think their loved ones would like to get for Christmas. Almost everyone go through a Christmas list. I never did. I think I'm a little thoughtless, or maybe just a little higher than 'little'. I am not a big gift giver. But many Filipinos are. They panic when the long list they have of friends, family and inaanaks is not filled with checks or crossed out marks of names yet. I never have felt that kind of panic. Maybe I should. Someday, I guess.

Then the eve of Christmas comes. Family members and other loved ones gather for Christmas dinner, having casual chats with each other and waiting for the clock to strike 12. And when it does, besos and mano pos are exchanged with the greeting of 'Merry Christmas!' to each other. Gifts are distributed and finally, my favorite part--the opening of gifts-- but of course with the expected 'Wows' and 'Ooohs' for the little ones who always are excited with every gift they receive, although their delight for clothes seems more of the polite kind. Then my next favorite--Noche Buena--food. The quezo de bola and ham are served with hot cocoa or wine. The family again gather to continue their chats, singing, or whatever the tradition the family has grown up with. Then after the 25th, the festive mood of Christmas continues. Friends and families go to the beach, Baguio or anywhere out of town, or maybe just like Christmas, grand reunions with extended family members are observed. And the mood shifts to the coming of the new year. Now stalls are filled with fireworks and firecrackers for those who prepare to welcome the new year with a bang.

Christmas begins in September and ends on the 1st week of January, which is the day the 3 Kings arrived at the manger to honor Jesus Christ. And on this day we put down the Christmas tree, remove our belens, and take off the tinsel from the walls. We say goodbye again to those who came home. We welcome the new year with our lists of 'dos' and 'don'ts', hoping that this year we shall follow this new list of resolution we made.

All around the world we understand that the essence of this holiday is to give. There is something that happens to all of us when this day comes. I do not know exactly how things are in other countries, but in ours, we look over our shoulders and try to see to it that everyone enjoys this day. The Christmas lights that fill the streets and the songs we hear play repetitively in malls and department stores do not just represent beauty we see outside, but it opens our hearts to what may be the beauty we have inside. It is a holiday of wholeness. It is a holiday of giving. It is a holiday when we remember to be more nice than naughty. And it is the holiday we remember that the Saviour was born. The Christmas season is both festive and serene, both joyous and solemn. It is the time when we enjoy the several parties we attend, and it is the time when we pray and thank God for giving us His only Son--Jesus Christ.

I was born and raised as a Catholic, but I am not a very religious person, although I do believe in a spiritual life. And as a Filipino, I know that many Pinoys are Catholics and Christians. And maybe it is because of this reason that Christmas is very much celebrated in the Philippines. But the nice thing about it is that we share this holiday with everyone. It is a practice not just for a religion, it is a practice we do to show the people we love that we do care for them. It is the season when we remember that life is not just about accomplishments. It is about how much we value each other.

-Merry Christmas, Everyone.-

Have a good one.

Exploring the Filipino Psyche Day 7: Brands, Jewelry, and 'Image'

I got a comment from my blog by a lady who asked: "How about the bad side?" So I thought to myself: "Do I indeed play under the cloak of niceness because I love our country so much and maybe just wish to look at that side alone?" I think I am more neutral on my stand. I have played the mere observer, but was really planning to write another nice thing, though. But then again, because of her comment, I dug through what I call my 'What for?' list instead. Two essays that go under this category are the two entries on the whitening cream. So I started thinking, "What else in Filipino behavior makes me have a 'What for?' stand?" And what I ended up remembering were brands, jewelry and 'image': Why are they there? What are they there for? And why do most of us have a high concern for these?

Many Filipinos like, if not love, imported brands ( although if we compare now to the '80s, we have become more nationalistic and have embraced local brands as equally good brands). I never was one who got fascinated by any brand. May it be a piece of clothing, a watch,make up, a pair of shoes, a car, a phone... I'm not into fashion and I'm pretty much simple in style. If I like it, I like it. When it comes to jewelry, if you show me a stone, I would not know if it is simply pretty or really pretty (maybe that's why some of my guy buddies think I'm half-man). I do not know karats. I won't be able to tell an expensive piece from a not so expensive one. Then there are brands. There may be a few brands that I do prefer since I grew up with them, or when it comes to technology, I think a trusted brand is a practical consideration. But that is about it. Maybe I do understand pricey items, but ridiculously overpriced ones, I always wonder about those. That gets into the top 1 in my 'What for?' list. If I were to be left alone, no one telling me about the 'hots' and 'nots', the 'ins' and 'outs' in designer names, I would be completely dumb in this field. Or maybe I am already. I am one of the worst persons to ask about a brand. I remember this friend of mine giving me her concealer with the brand 'bobbi brown', and the first thought I had was: "Oh. So this guy breaks up with Whitney Houston, changes his 'y' to 'i' so that people won't associate his old-self to his new-self, but then still uses his catchy name and starts a make-up line? Hmm...who would have thought..." I was happy that he was able to bounce back and find his true calling, until a friend of mine, between roaring sounds of laughter, explained to me that the cosmetic product has got nothing to do with the singer. I am very clueless with brands. I thought 'Anna Sui' was an upcoming movie when I saw loads of tarpaulin scattered at Alabang Town Center.

So I go back to 'why'. I am not interested in brands, but I wonder why many are. And why image is such a concern that we will do anything for it. 'Ang kahihiyan', which means 'the shame', is an old phrase the older generation would use then. I used to hear this phrase when I watched 'Sampaguita Pictures' or LVN films on TV when I was a child. The parent always would put value on kahihiyan, usually at the expense of his child's happiness. In the earlier decades, women who were single and got pregnant were, more often than not, wedded off immediately by their parents. That would be okay if the couple really were in love with each other, but might have a sad ending if they were not. And the parents' decision usually came from fear of social rejection. I guess this is how old our concern for image is--our concern for social acceptance. I watched an interview of a celebrity once on TV and she said, "I want people to like me for who I am." I looked at her and stared at her colored contacts, her colored hair, her transformed face with thicker lips and higher cheeks as I thought to myself, "Well then, who are you anyway? Do you still know?" It just seemed to me that she changed her whole face so that society will embrace her. Maybe she should try a simpler crowd so she could let her hair down. I am sure they will welcome her.

Sometimes I feel that too much glamor covers the real thing. For if a person is in the company of children--no videos, no photos, just the joy of being with the little ones--the person will tend to be more real. But if the same person goes to a high society party, all glammed up, jewelry shining, an expensive branded bag clipped under her arm, diamonds on her ears and neck, signature gown and shoes--beautiful? I am sure. Real? All the brands she clothed herself with--yes. Other than that, who knows. I guess that is the problem with glamor, there are so much fancy things around that we tend to not know how to sift pretenses from the real thing. And I am not talking about people, I am just talking about behavior. I think we all have the tendency to be both--real and fake. And sometimes the environment we are in brings out the 'fake' in us. Maybe this is why we like brands. They are for occasions such as these. When we feel moments of self-doubt, we need a buffer. Something that shall reduce the shock and make us feel that--yes--we are good enough because our watches are expensive, too. Our bags are as fancy as the others around. We find security in brands and expensive things, just in case self-confidence gives us a hiccup and we find ourselves feeling a little insecure in environments that demand prestige and 'power', therefore, testing our worth. I guess that is fine, as long as its prestige that makes us feel a little insecure, since most of the prestigious people are actually very simple. They just are giving us the right challenge by making us want to be prestigious ourselves. But what if we find security in brands because we will encounter people who will value us for what we wear and what we have? Maybe total strangers who, when introduced to, do not look you in the eye when he or she says 'hi', but checks you out from head to toe, searching thoroughly if you are worthy of a warm greeting. This makes me wonder again: "Do I really want to be accepted by people like these? What's so great about a warm greeting from this person who is not interested in me for what I have to say, but only in how I look and what I have? Why would I want to have someone like that in my life? What for?" I remember when I stubbornly kept my 3210 phone because I did not see the point in changing it (another 'what for?' moment). Then when I had to bring it out one time while in the company of people who were not friends but acquaintances, I noticed disapproving stares. I know I am not strong enough because I found myself texting under the table just so that the people around me would not see it any longer. It brought out the 'fake' in me.

So why are we attracted to Louis Vuitton, Rolex, Prada, etcetera, etcetera? Why do we need a P75,000 hand bag or a half a million to a million peso watch? Who is it for? What is it for? Do we need it? Why do we want it? Is it really for us? I have a strong feeling that it is not. It is for them. Because if we were alone, living in the boondocks with no one to talk to, would we still be attracted to brand names?

Maybe we should try it sometimes--being alone to find out what really matters to us. Without the eyes of judgment, our phones and internet shut off, and maybe only the sound and scenery of nature as company, we then might go back to a place that is very important--our core, our authenticity, our uniqueness. We do not need signature brands or genuine leather items of a famous brand name to make us feel worthy. Because without these, indeed, we remain worthy. Maybe more than working on social acceptance, it is self-acceptance we need to pay more attention to. Because if we were stripped naked from the disguise of luxury, what then shall be left for everyone to see? You. And only 'You'.

The most beautiful diamond, better than the brightest piece anyone has ever worn, was always the real 'You'.

Exploring the Filipino Psyche Day 6: "Meat"

I tried to be a vegetarian for 4 months. Well, more of a pescetarian who included a little chicken, too, from time to time. I avoided meat, had a little chicken and ate lots of vegetables instead. I say 'avoid' because I would cheat and put sauce of adobo and get a pinch of meat whenever I would miss it. But then reunions came, gatherings with friends, and the killer of them all--fiestas. I admire my uncle, my mother's brother, and his whole family for choosing to be vegetarians and sticking to it, especially my Uncle and Aunt who were meat eaters when they were in their 20s.

Just like my Uncle and Aunt and their family, my perception of life, come year 2000, began to lean towards the yoga belief. Many who practice yoga meditation, at least most of those I have met and became friends with, are vegetarians, but not me. I know I should not blame anyone for this, especially our country, but somehow it feels difficult to leave pork and beef when you live in the Philippines. A friend of mine who is a Buddhist believer explained it quite well: "Ang sarap kasi ng lechon eh (Lechon is so delicious)!" She told me when she went back to eating meat again. I love food. And having Kapampangan blood in my veins, I believe it makes me love food even more. So there I was, 4 months of no meat, until one day...bulalo was served. That was the end of my vegetarian journey.

Many vegetarians I have spoken to would tell me that they find it a little difficult to find meals in menus of Filipino restaurants. Usually they eat in Indian or Italian restaurants instead. Sometimes I feel sorry for them when they go to buffets in hotels, events with catered food, or parties in homes, food with no meat is seldom served. I hope they would be considered more next time, maybe at least no meat in the chopsuey.

Many Filipinos seem to love meat. I know I do, living in the rural area once and having more fish than meat there made me actually feel sad. I was so sad about it and missed meat so much that I wanted to have a customized shirt made with 'I Love Pigs' printed in front. My sister did not like my idea, though. I think I know why she did not like it. My sister is no vegetarian, but she prefers fish and vegetables to pork and beef. And I think she likes farm animals, too. When my sister was younger, she managed my Grandmother's farm and beach in Iloilo. And while she was there, she gave names to the animals: a mother pig was Porky, two cows were Becky and Bambi, and the carabao for the field was Phoebe. I thought everyone there did the same thing. So one day I saw a farmer and greeted him with a question, "Ikaw, anong pangalan ng kalabaw mo (How about you, what's the name of your carabao)?" The farmer looked at me with eyes that wondered and said, "...kalabaw(carabao)..." That was when I realized that it was only my sister who called the animals by their first name. She was also thinking of putting a big red ribbon on Phoebe the Carabao's horn. I think Phoebe was happy when my sister decided not to put the ribbon anymore.

When I went to Benguet to attend a Kanyaw ritual my Lola Carmen, who is pure Kankanaey Igorot, was having, the celebration included 10 cows and around 20 pigs. The tradition is that these cows and pigs will be released and the members of each family will try to at least catch one. None from my immediate and first degree family has ever chased a running cow or pig before, so my Igorot relative caught a pig for us.We had steamed pig in soup. It was good. Then when I would go to family parties of relatives who are Spanish or Spanish in orientation, or friends who are Spanish or Spanish in orientation, the tapas and jamons are usually present for appetizers, and just like Filipino gatherings, many delicious meat dishes are also served. Maybe our love for meat comes from both Spanish and tribal origins. As a result, small karinderias serve mostly meat dishes: menudo, adobo, dinuguan, bopis and the like. And this seems also true with food courts and fancier Filipino restaurants. I am not sure about our Chinese brothers and sisters, though, I think my vegetarian relatives and friends find more meals to choose from in a Chinese restaurant.

Many of the Filipino dishes have meat in it. Or it is just me who keeps on looking for it in dishes. I wish I were more vegetarian, though. But wishes need to be worked on.

Nowadays, I noticed that the trend is to be more health conscious. Thus, many do work outs, go to gyms, play badminton; and there are also a lot who do 100 kilometer runs, go biking from Manila to Laguna (sometimes even farther, I suppose), and a few more could do the hard core 'Ironman' in CamSur. Fitness programs and athletic activities have become a big success in the country. Although I am not sure, I think one reason may be because we would rather burn fat than remove fat in certain meals (saying no to liempo or the burnt fat in barbecue--that is difficult). I think we would rather run several miles than give up pork in our kare-kare. I think we would rather bike to the farthest ends of the island than remove tapa or tosino in our breakfast. Although fish is good and we love our salads and monggo, too, a strict diet of lean meat or a deprivation of comfort foods we have grown up with may be a little too drastic a change for us. We grew up with adobo as a favorite meal our parents would send us with since it was easy to cook and does not easily spoil. We drink beer with friends and usually have sisig as pulutan. We have tapsilog and tosilog as two of our favorite breakfast meals. And I do not think we are fully ready to let go of hamburgers. Maybe meat does not just taste good for many of us Pinoys who continue to eat it, but maybe the reason why we can't let go and become full vegetarians just yet is because meat was part of our youth, our bonding with friends, our gathering with families. And just like Anton Ego in the movie 'Ratatouille', as he takes a bite of the dish that gives him perspective, the lechon we had might remind us of a happy moment, the hamburger we just ate might remind us of our childhood, and the kaldereta we feasted on might remind us of a joyous fiesta. Maybe meat is not just food we eat, maybe meat brings us back home.

But still, I wish I were more vegetarian.

Exploring the Filipino Psyche Day 5: 'Ang Pagbabati'

Ngayon naman ay susubok akong magsulat sa ating sariling wika. Panlimang araw na ito ng aking pagsasaliksik tunkol sa iba't ibang ugali ng Filipino, kung kaya't sa tingin ko ay medyo nababato na rin akong makipag Inglesan sa aking pakikipagkuwentuhan sa inyo. Maiba naman tayo ng konti, kahit sa maikling panahon lamang. Sige, uumpisahan ko na. Susubukan ko lang.

Para sa panlimang araw, ang aking pagbibigyang pansin ay ang batian ng mga Filipino. Kakaiba ang batian ng mga Pinoy. Kung mapapansin natin sa ating mga kaibigang dayuhan , pag matagal nang hindi nakita ang kaibigan banyaga ay mga "Hi. How are you?" ang balikan ng batian. Simple lamang, hindi ba? Kung gusto nila dagdagan ng konti ang tanong, ang malamang na susunod dito ay, "So, what do you do?" Nakarinig na tayo at nakipagsosyalan sa ganitong natural na balikan sa ating mga banyagang kaibigan. Ngayon naman ay pumunta tayo sa batian ng mga Filipino. Halimbawa ay may nakita tayong klasmeyt dati na matagal na nating hindi nakita o nalaman ang kanyang estado at kabuhayan, aba'y siyempre matutuwa tayo at baka pa nga ay magyayakapan. Meron ding "Hi. How are you?" na lalabas sa kuwentuhan. Pero maya't maya timbang na ang lalabas sa usapan. "Uy, kumusta na?" ang umpisa sa pagbati, pero maya't maya, "Parang tumaba ka." O hindi kaya'y "Ang taba mo ngayon ah!" Bakit kaya kasama ang timbang ng kaibigan sa kamustahan? Kailan kaya nagumpisa pansinin at isama ito sa ating pagbabati? Kung minsan naman ay pagkapayat ang i-hihirit. Pero parang ang madalas kong naririnig ay ang pagkataba. O baka naman ay yun ang malimit na pagbati sa akin...baka nga.

Sa aking pananaw ay tilang ugaling Pilipino lamang yan, sa tingin ko lang naman, itong pagbabati tungkol sa ating kabigatan o pag-gaan ng timbang. Dahil nuong sinubukan kong gamitin sa Inglesan ay medyo parang hindi tama at hindi gaano maganda. Pakinggan nga natin ulit: "Hi! How are you? Oh. You're fat now!" O hindi kaya'y, "Hi! How are you? It seems like you're fatter now." Parang mali... Malamang atin lang yan.

Isa pang kaugaliang Pinoy ay ang pagtanong ng personal na bagay kahit sa bagong kakilala. Pero nalaman ko rin na hindi ito ugaling Pinoy lamang, may ibang lahi na gumagawa rin nito. Kung minsan ay meron akong mga nakilalang mga tindera at manong na ang unang tinanong ay, "May asawa ka na?" Medyo kahit kasama ito sa ugaling Pilipino ay nagugulat pa rin ako sa biglang banat ng tanong na ito tunkol sa estado ng isang tao kahit na hindi man lang alam ang pangalan nito. At pag ang sagot mo ay, "Wala," ang susunod na tanong ay, "Bakit?" sabay kunot ng noo at pagtataka. Para bang napakalaki nang kasalanan mo at hanggang ngayon ay wala ka pang nakakasama. Napapaisip tuloy ako: "Aba...baka malabo nga akong tao!" Pero hindi naman siguro, nakasanayan lang natin siguro ang mga tanong na ganito. Kahit ang mga bisita natin na dayuhan, ayon kay Conrado de Quiros sa kanyang kolum kung minsan, ay natutuwa sa ating palakaibigan na ugali, pero nagugulat din sila sa mga tanong na "Are you married?" o pag may kasama silang babae ay diretso na "Is she your girlfriend?" Marami pang ibang batian na narinig ko sa aking lakbay at palakad-lakad o palabuy-laboy sa ating mga daan. Siguro nga isa akong tsismosa, dahil kahit hindi ko kilala ay pinapakinggan ko ang kwentuhan nila. Ito ang mga konting halimbawa nang mga batian na narinig ko:

Sa Pampanga: "Uy, parang pumapangit ka yata." (dalawang magkamaganak na matagal ng hindi nagkita)

Sa Iloilo : "May lahi ka bang baluga?" (bago lang nagkakilala)

Sa Manila : " P*%ng ina! Kumusta na?!" (dalawang magkaibigang matalik na biglang nagkita sa mall)

Syempre meron ding batian sa Ingles tulad ng, "Oh my gosh! I haven't seen you in ages! How are you na?"

Katuwa-tuwa naman at kagulat gulat minsan ang ating mga batian. Pero siguro ang pagiging personal sa ating pagbati ay pamamaraan lamang ng Pinoy na makuha ang loob ng kabila. Isa pang nauso ng mga panahon na ito ay ang pagtawag ng 'mommy' sa mas nakatatanda. Ang nanay ko nga ay nagulat nuong nagpunta kami sa ospital para magpatingin siya ng kanyang kalagayan. "Ay naku, mommy, kailangan ninyo magpahinga, mommy," ang sabi ng nars sa kanya. Napatingin sa akin ang aking ina. Paglabas ng nars ay napatanong siya, "Bakit mommy ang tawag niya sa akin?" Natawa ako sa nanay ko at ineksplika ko na lang na pamamaraan iyon ng lambing para sa mas nakatatanda sa kanila. Sabi niya mas gusto pa rin niya ang 'po' at opo' na lang, pero natuto na rin niyang tanggapin ang kakaibang estilo ng mga kabataan.

Ito ang Pinoy. Iba iba rin ang estilo ng batian sa isa't isa. Minsan siguro eh parang 'overfamiliar' ang dating ng mga tanong at tawagan natin, pero kasama lang siguro ito sa ating pagiging maalalahanin at palakaibigan sa iba. Siguro kakaiba nga at 'Made in the Philippines' nga talaga.

Kaya sa susunod na salu-salo, kesyo ang naging batian dito ay "Ang payat mo na" o hindi kaya'y "Tumaba ka", alalahanin na lang na isa itong pagbati na kamustahan lamang. Pero kung nasobrahan na ang banat at medyo nakakainis na ang bating personal...aba eh, 'di sige...barahin mo na.


Exploring the Filipino Psyche Day 4: 'The Happy Pinoy'

I walk the streets and meet eyes with strangers: a man , a woman, a homosexual, a young child... I stare a little longer when suddenly the ends of this person's lips make a curve upward. The other gives a smile, and I smile back. A common practice? Maybe, because happiness seems like part of the Filipino culture.

In a devastated area where a calamity just struck, a reporter brings with him his crew and camera. He reports on the disaster, and behind him there is a crowd, waving and smiling, wishing for at least just a minute of air time, and maybe a minute of fame, forgetting for a moment about their homes that were blown away by the strong wind of the storm. Sometimes floods visit our streets. And the initial reaction of young boys in the streets? It's time for a swim. When I asked my cousin once if he had a photo I could use for the cover of my book, he willingly went to the Malate streets to take pictures of the people there. But in the end he said, "It's hard to take the kind of shot you want. Pinoy culture says, 'If there's a camera--you smile.' " He was definitely right. It was a very interesting take on the Pinoy's outlook. What does make us smile? Despite the state many of our fellow Filipinos are in, many are still willing to greet you with all teeth. Smiles so sincere you wish you could give them a bed to sleep on at night. There is this old lady I know who lives in the streets. She sits in one corner with her small plastic bag. We have not ever had a conversation yet, but every time I pass her, she smiles. She gives me this wonderful, fantastic smile that makes her eyes squint and her laugh lines appear. It makes me wonder: 'Why?' She's my smiling friend. I also remember this man, a beggar in the streets of Malate, sitting on a carton box, I saw him at my periphery but did not want to mind him. I didn't have anything for him and I try to avoid giving coins. I tried hard to not mind, I attempted not to notice, but I felt he was looking at me and knew I was pretending to be busy. So giving in to curiosity, I looked. He looked straight into my eyes, and again, a beautiful smile. It seemed like his smile was saying, "It's okay...you don't have to give me money." I smiled back and, again, wondered: 'Why?" I don't understand, and I wish I could. I give a piece of bread to my smiling friend lady from time to time, and every time I do, her eyes glow. And when the pan de sal maker gives me a freshly baked one, my smiling friend gives out a cute glee, "Wow! Mainit pa (Wow! It's still hot)." And here I am complaining about the chilly weather that gives me a cold.

I wonder about our people many times. What makes us tick? What makes us happy? And this leads me to little Joseph. I met Joseph when he was only 7. He was a boy from the streets: dirty, shirtless, his hair sandy brown from the strong glare of the sun, his mucous hanging from one nostril, but then he'd give one strong inhale from time to time to bring it back inside his nose, until the string of green slowly drops for me to, well, notice it again. Nonetheless, I liked the boy. He had spunk. Every time he and his friend talked I would take one step back since the volume of their voices were at maximum most of the time. I can't blame them. I would be the same way, I'm sure, if I lived in the streets too. Those blaring noises from different vehicles and the varied sounds of honking horns would make anyone get used to talking at a very loud volume. So there we were, little Joseph, his friend, and I, with coloring books and crayons, looking for a place where we could sit down and begin the activity. I suggested to the little boys that we stay at the Rajah Sulayman Park since there was also classical music playing there that time. I thought it would be good for the two boys to listen to music for a change instead of just honks of horns. But the security guard stopped us before we could even enter. He said the boys were too dirty to sit on the benches. I got a little angry at the guard and was ready to ask for a better explanation, but then opted to just forget about it. I became a little sad after we were shooed away, and little Joseph sensed it. The little boy comforted me, "'Di bale, Ate, pagbalik nyo po, nakaligo na po ako (Don't worry, Ate, when you come back, I've been able to take a bath already," he promised. But then his friend said, "Paano ka maliligo, eh wala ka namang bahay (How can you take a bath, you don't even have a house)?!" And Joseph answered, "Eh 'di sa ulan (In the rain)!" That classic exchange of positivity between Joseph and his friend made my day. I came back after a few days and little Joseph kept his promise. I don't know how he did it since it did not rain from the last time I saw him. But there he was--clean. His hair was brushed up, his face was all washed, and he was wearing a shirt that was spotless. I smiled at the vision of pride he emitted. Although Joseph was ready for the park, his friends were not. We were shooed away again. We ended up sitting on the pavements by the church to color. It was still a happy day.

Pinoys are a happy bunch. It seems like happiness helps us survive. We become more positive, and maybe we even become more compassionate because of it. If we go back to the Ondoy calamity, people who lost homes and possessions went out to volunteer and help others. They said their reason for helping was because they knew exactly how the people felt since they lost their homes too. Many did sulk, many did get depressed, but then they bounced back when they felt better. And when they did, they helped the others. Our choice to be happy leads us to the decision that we want others to be happy too. The other side of our happiness may be the more pleasurable one--it brings out laughter, it brings out joy. It's our festive mood with friends in parties and gatherings. Yes, Filipinos love to part-hey! Some foreigners would say they do not want to leave our country anymore because it is so much fun here. And there are those who say, 'I have to leave your country because it's way too fun.' I guess what they mean is they forget responsibilities when they come visit.

Either which way, these are two definitions of happiness that we indeed do use. One makes us feel joy with friends: it makes us laugh, it makes us noisy, it makes us enjoy a good evening with people we are fond of. And the other is what makes us human: it makes us quiet, it makes us care, it makes us love.

Exploring the Filipino Psyche Day 3: 'Alaskahan'

Alaskahan is the ability to tease using associations, connections and indirectness. It is a game of comparison which allows the subject to think what exactly, in the situation, in his or her features, in his or her sense of style, in his or her remark, is being mocked at or being made fun of. Alaskahanwas not invented to put down anyone. Nonetheless, this play is still not for the faint at heart. It is widely practiced in the Filipino social, non-pretentious gatherings and bonding among friends and loved ones. I say non-pretentious since the game of alaskadoes not offer polite remarks nor compliments. It does not fit in a formal setting unless done in whispers, and those involved are able to merely shake shoulders when in need to express laughter.

Google says alaska means to tease, but what it doesn't say is what and how exactly does one tease when playing this game. I shall give an example then. A good one is this shampoo ad made in the '90s. A woman with long hair comes from outside, rushing to enter the building, her hair all messy, a friend looks at her, he pauses for a second before he asks: "Mahangin ba sa labas(Is it windy outside)?" This line became a famous remark in the '90s when someone would address a person with messy hair. When playing the alaska game, one simply makes a connection or an association, and the other person should be quick enough to get it. In the Philippines, you can make a whole collection of alaska since it usually is part of social skills. I remember this one time when I went out with a few friends of mine, one of them was wearing a red bandana on her head. So after the usual besos and greetings, I asked her, "Uy, pwede mo ba akong hulaan mamaya (Ey, you think you could tell me my fortune later)?" I was referring to the red bandana on her head. Thus, calling her a gypsy. But then she said, "Sige. Eh ikaw? Anong oras balik mo sa gubat(OK. And you? What time are you going back to the jungle)?" She was referring to my asymmetrical blouse that had print of leaves on it, and me being a big girl. Thus, calling me an amazon. I shook my friend's hand after the quick comeback.

Alaskahan is not only done amongst friends, Filipino celebrities also use them in their shows. Vic Sotto commenting after his co-host's throat made a crackling sound when she coughed, "Uy, happy new year, pumputok ka pa ah (Ey, happy new year, you're still crackling)." Or Ogie Alcasid's remark when he had to interview all these models who were towering over him: "Ay, laking 'Star' margarine with rice ba kayo (Did you grow up 'Star' margarine with with rice)?" He was pertaining to the old ad of 'Star' margarine where it showed children mixing the margarine with rice, and the commercial's message was that their product can make kids taller. Even fans of PBA use alaska to disturb players. I remember this one game I watched in the '90s, where the fans of 'Alaska Milk' (name of team--only a coincidence) tried to distract Mon Fernandez, a great player who was quite thin, by shouting: "Bu-la-lo!" "Bu-la-lo!" "Bu-la-lo!" -- a soup dish with bones of a cow in it. Then when the ball went to Alex Araneta of the 'Alaska' team, the fans of the other side shouted: "Cubao!" "Cubao!" "Cubao!" They were associating the player's last name with the famous Araneta Coliseum in Cubao.

I think alaskahan may be one of the reasons why we Filipinos often make it to the top 20 list of the most cheerful people in the world. We don't like hurting people, and yet we like a good joke. Maybe sometimes we feel like insulting, but it's not funny to put down someone so we camouflage it with indirectness (although my mom said I have an Uncle Gago from my father's side, I don't think that's his real name. I always wondered about him). We find humor in most things. And we use it to protect us from getting hurt. We do have the ability to find laughter in the midst of all difficulty. We look for something funny when we need to smile again. Our sense of humor is part of of our survival kit. It seems like it helps us face the harshness of music that comes to our people with thunderous beats. It's a tool that makes us look at the bright side. Laughter is our remedy, or sometimes our escape; it is our path to improvement, or sometimes just a path to nowhere. But whatever effect it may give us, whatever outcome it creates--one thing is for sure--the happy Pinoy is here to stay.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Exploring the Filipino Psyche Day 2: Why the Whitening Cream...

On day 1 of this study, or may I say a simple observation of what is, I viewed a personal account on the good sales of whitening products in the country. As friends and loved ones have pointed out on the sameness of 'darks' and 'whites' in different countries, that the whites want to be dark and the darker skinned in other Asian countries want to be white, my study, or rather my exploration will be solely on the reasons of the Pinoys.

I was thinking of interviewing a few ladies on this issue, or may I just say, a choice, but then I've come to realize that maybe I've got enough information on this since I have spoken to quite a few before, and besides, I'm brown myself. Now, one thing great about us Filipinos is our sense of humor. Although a Libyan friend of mine said once that Filipinos are racists. "Really?" I asked her. I did a self check after that, but that's another story. Anyway, friends from college called me Ms. Jones, the daughter of Grace, and I thought it was really cool. For those who do not know Grace Jones, she was a Jamaican-American singer in the '80s. I think things for me were not as rough if compared to what others had to go through since I was, and still am, surrounded by big time alaskador friends. And as an alaskador rule, you don't insult, you just tease--more on the Pinoy alaskador next time. I was called Ms. Jones because of my color, so it became my second name. I was so fond of it that I found myself inventing a story and telling my friends in the mountaineer group I joined that I was really half-black. 'Talaga!' they would say, amazed. "Yes!" I would answer, "So you may now call me, 'Carla Jones Escobar."

But the hard part about a made-up tale are the questions:

Friend : "Paano ka naging half black?"

Me : "Ahh...yung nanay ko black?"

Friend : "Saan nagkakilala nanay at tatay mo?"

Me : "Uuh...sa Queens."

Friend : "Aaah..."

It's a good thing I still remember my answers, just in case I bump into them someday. But sometimes the comments or the remarks are really not that funny. There are those who are quite harsh with people who are dark. Another sad thing is that there are foreigners here in the Philippines who have the gall to stay here and look down on, not really brown skin,but the Filipino. I remember this one instance when I went to the RCBC building to watch a Spanish guitar concert. It was Spanish month, and every year I look forward to this month since the shows are always great and the activities are fun too. But one thing I don't like about it are a few, of course only a few, at least I'm hoping they are only a few, Spanish people in the audience who would give attitude, those who feel they could live in our country and be snooty at the same time. After the concert, a lady came up to me and spoke Spanish, "...Espanol?" I didn't understand a word she said, but in the end of her remark she said 'Espanol'. So I said, "I'm sorry ma'am, I don't understand you. I'm Fili..." she gives out a grunt and leaves before I can finish. I wanted to chase after her and say my piece. I wanted to say, "Excuse me, you are in the Philippines therefore you are my guest and this is my home. If you don't know how to respect us Filipinos, I suggest you leave my country, the sooner, the better." I hated myself for being too surprised with the old lady that I didn't say anything. I ended up giving a nice Spanish lady, who gave me a pleasant smile, a look that sort of said, "I don't want you here." Tsk, tsk, I should have told the old lady off so the nice one was spared. More than the brown skin, I believe it is the identity that those who use whitening products are trying to hide sometimes. I cannot say all of them have the same reason, but maybe it is safe to say that there are those who do have this as a reason. It is still the colonial mentality working on us.

So I conclude that to favor whiter skin for a Filipino is not like tanning in the US, where the person wears his or her tan like a piece of clothing. Its purpose lies more on vanity. Tanning is to simply be different from their usual look, at least for a few days, or weeks. But the Filipino's preference for whiter skin somewhat comes from a wounded history. It goes back to a memory of the white supremacy ruling over our people. Our color represents our struggles, our fight for justice, and Braveheart's call: Freedom--freedom from oppression, freedom from violation of our rights. But even with the battle our forefathers fought, an identity scarred with time is still like a fresh wound we need to heal. Maybe we prefer white in order for us to band-aid the bruises that came with the battle. Maybe we prefer white to disassociate us from the inferior status the colonizers brainwashed us with. Maybe we prefer white because up to this day there are those who think, or maybe they are not thinking at all, they can bully us in our own country.

I am hoping that someday the battle will be over, that we shall embrace our color and race with pride and dignity. Although if we compare then and now, there are big differences that had happened. If we go back to the '80s, the brands bought then were mostly imported. But nowadays there are many who do wear and buy local brands with pride. I love the Filipino flag shirts and jackets, and I know many do too. Loving our identity and our race does not mean we think we are greater than others. It just means we know we are great, and everyone is great with us.

A unity of colors, identities and races means the coming of the rainbow.

Exploring the Filipino Psyche Day 1: Whitening Products for Whiter Skin

This is officially day 1 of my study on the Filipino psyche.  Well,  I can't really say that I went out of my way to know how we Filipinos are, but maybe let's just say, being a Filipino and seeing what is out in the market and how media has forcefully injected in the minds, especially the minds of young women, what is best for them, I have chosen for day 1 the need for quite a lot of Filipinos to be white.
The other day, as I looked through my makeup bag and realized that I have finished up all my pressed powder, I went to the department store to buy myself a new one. I went up to a saleslady and asked where their powder was. 'Ito po, ma'am,' she kindly said. She waited for me as I looked at the different products stacked in a pile. 'Ito po, ma'am,' she said again, offering me a very light colored powder for my skin. She showed me a product that was very far from my real skin color. I am brown, and I believe I am a little darker than the usual kayumanggi color of the Filipino, but I never saw my color as a flaw or a mistake. I always wore it with pride. 'Ay, wala ba kayong powder na brown? Ayoko ng powder na nakakaputi eh. Gusto ko yung dark-colored powder lang.' The saleslady chuckled as she answered, 'Ba't nyo gusto ng brown eh maitim na po kayo?' I was quite insulted with her tone that I wanted to answer her back, 'Eh kasi hindi ako ipinanganak na insecure,  kaya OK sa 'kin kulay ko!' I wanted to strongly say, but instead of saying that, I found myself saying, 'Baduy kasi ang nagpapaputi eh. Eh wala eh, hindi naman kasi ako baduy.' I guess if I really think about it, the words in my thoughts were no different with the words I actually used to silence her. She did become quiet after I said that. But in the end, I still had to settle for powder that was  lighter than my skin color. The department store did not have any brown powder.
I became more curious about all this fascination on whitening products. So I went to the soap section-lo and behold- a whole rack of whitening products with glutathione, placenta and the like. There were lotions, soaps and creams. I was amazed at how many brands have taken to this, may I call it... stupidity. I always wondered...why? There is nothing wrong with being white, as much as there is nothing wrong with being dark, yellow or whatever color the person may have. People have finally evolved in mentality. I think we have finally reached a point where we nearly have believed that equality does exist, that there is no difference between two people: not in color, not in wealth, not even in importance. But why do we Filipinos, of course not all,  still fall into the trap of thought that perceives fair as a preference and dark skin as a flaw? Why are there ads that insist in making our Filipinos white, making those who lack self love succumb to their call? Do we really want a generation of fake 'whites'? Do we really wish to have morenos and morenas then that have become white people now to represent our love for our race? I would want to believe that I am not in any way putting down those who have chosen to change the color of their skin to white. But still, it makes me wonder...why did they want to change their color in the first place? Why was brown not good enough?'

My first entry to day 1 is the question. Let's see if I can quickly find the answer to this.