Okay, it has been a while since I last explored. But here I am again and now I will write about the Filipino’s obsession on cleanliness. Well, maybe I should not call it an obsession since it is nothing near the level of the aviator Mr. Howard Hughes, where he reduced everyone to a piece of filth and isolated himself from the world since he thought it was full of germs. But this is only according to the movie ‘The Aviator’, starring Leonardo di Caprio. So I do not know how much truth was put into that version, and how much of it is only cinematic liberty. Anyhow, when it comes to the version of the Filipino way, cleanliness is a habit and a value.
Let us begin with the bath. The Filipino has a bath at least once or twice a day every day. Baths that are done two times a day are one in the morning and one again in the evening. And from what I have learned, those who take their bath once a day, which is done in the morning, take their—as it is called in the Philippines—the ‘half-bath’ before they go to sleep. A ‘half-bath’ is cleaning the face, armpits, private parts and the feet. Okay, so the ‘half-bath’ removes the upper body (chest, tummy and arms) and legs, I guess. So, because it is a habit, if there are those who find eating rice in the morning as a breakfast meal a little strange, the Filipinos are quite surprised when they see a scene in a foreign film and the actor/actress wakes up and just changes his or her clothes. “Ay, hindi naligo (Oh...he didn’t take a bath),” is the usual remark I would hear when I watch a movie in the cinema and the character needs to rush and leave for work because he or she overslept. Thus, the character will need to skip the bath. I know someone who was once a volunteer in a remote place somewhere on the globe, and after her mission for the day, no matter how tired she may be, she would walk the distance to fill up two pails with water for her bath. The other nationals thought she was kind of strange because they were indeed very tired from the tasks and duties they were called to do at a daily basis. But being Pinoy, she just had to have that bath. And I think many of us, if not all, fully understand that.
The bath is very important to the Pinoy that when Ondoy struck and devastated the Filipino people, one of the first projects of two major networks were to put up a paligo (bath) program for the evacuees. Container vans were transformed into little shower rooms for the people and they were given soap, shampoo, and towels. The evacuees were all smiles after their bath.
This reminds me of a time when I was younger. My campus was in Los Banos, Laguna. Nowadays, the students there enjoy a mall and do walk around to do a little ‘malling’, a past time that many Filipinos also enjoy. But during my time, we did not have a mall, there was no such thing, which, I do believe added flavor to my memories of those times. What we had were trees, the campus, and simple places to go to. The most memorable place for me was our movie house. There was a little store on the corner inside the movie theatre. So if you suddenly feel hungry, all you’ve got to do is walk down the stairs and go to the lady on the corner with the dim light to buy your siopao asado or bola-bola. Thus, because of not much places to go to, and the TV of a friend had only 2 channels: channels 9 and 13, what my friends and I did for enjoyment was role-playing, ‘let’s pretend’ and alaskahan. Of course we did our share of gossiping, but gossips can get boring since it is quite pointless. And it is not really fun. So there we were making up our own stories and playing ‘pretend’. One day I entered my friend’s apartment and saw him get the soap from their bathroom and placed it on the corner of their kitchen sink. He put a small towel on his shoulder and turned on the water. He did not know that I was by the door, until, “What are you doing?” I finally asked. “Carla!” my friend shouted. “Good thing you’re here! I really need someone else to do this with me,” he said. “What are you doing, anyway?” I asked again. “ Let’s pretend we’re construction workers and we’ll wash our faces.” I guess that was how bored we were that even face-washing became an activity for us. I looked at my friend, trying to decipher where the thrill was in that. “Carla,” he continued, “ didn’t you ever wonder why construction workers can soap their faces until they’re all white and still be able to keep their eyes open, walk around and talk to their fellow workers?” he asked. “Well,” I took a pause as I tried to put logic in my answer to his question, “there are soaps that are gentle to the eyes, like ‘Dove’.” My friend looked at me with brows that furrowed and said, “I don’t think they use ‘Dove’ in construction sites.” I saw the sense in my friend’s ‘let’s pretend’ game, so there we were, soaping away. He taught me how the movements of my hands should be as I soap. The hands should not go around they eyes, they should just go up and down over them. My friend set up the ‘Safeguard’ soap and we began:
“Ah…o kumusta ka na ba, Dong? Ow!” (How are you, Dong? Ouch!)
“OK naman ako…aray!” (I’m OK…ouch!)
We did our role-playing as construction workers as we tried to fight the pain the suds of the ‘Safeguard’ soap gave us. We found ourselves washing our eyes several times and repeating the practice, trying to keep our eyes open as long as we could while walking around and talking. After that exercise, my friend and I never looked at a construction site with construction workers soaping their faces until they were white with the same eyes again. Not because our eyes became sore from all the soaping we did, but because we honored the talent and put a high regard to it. So there it is, even in construction sites we see big men soaping their faces while having a chat with each other. A big metal can with water as their timba, and a smaller one as their tabo.
Next is brushing the teeth after lunch no matter where the Pinoy is, even in malls we see this. During lunch time, I like visiting the ladies’ room and listen to the little conversations our Filipino ladies have while they brush their teeth. I brush my hair and put on my powder and lipstick ever so slowly in the ladies’ room, pretending to mind my own business, focusing only on how I look in the mirror. Little do the salesladies know that I do this while listening to their interesting exchange. Usually they talk about end of contracts, their shifts, what time their vacants are, and where they will go after work (I wonder if I could still call that exploring or just plain ‘nosy’). Many employees bring their toothbrush and toothpaste to work. It is a common practice among Filipinos.
Then there is alcohol and the not so old product, the alcogel. Filipinos bring one of these in case we need to wash our hands but there is no place to go to that has soap and water, especially because we like munching on a snack so we need to have clean hands for this.
Filipinos put a high value on cleanliness. If there is no water in an area, we will search and look for some. If we need to fall in line and wait even hours to fill up our pails with water, we will do just that. In an area where water is scarce, the nearest faucet or even the nearest body of water will do just to get that refreshing feeling a bath gives one. But maybe it would also be nice if we extend this cleanliness outside of ourselves and to our country. They do not have to be grand acts, but simple things like putting litter in litter baskets. No matter how small our trash is like a candy wrapper, it can wait to be thrown into a trash bin. It should not be placed on our streets and rivers, or the sand and seas. Another thing we could do perhaps is help our community and our fellow Pinoys to be more conscious and do their part in keeping our streets, beaches, mountains, and bodies of water clean. Then maybe, step by step, little by little, as we do this together, our country shall remain truly ‘The Pearl of the Orient’.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Exploring the Filipino Psyche Day 14B:Little Things Pinoys Do
This is the English version of my entry. Content will not be translated in verbatim, but the examples will be the same. In this entry, I will write about the little things Pinoys do, those little things which we may have overlooked and hardly noticed since it is part already of the Filipino culture, and Filipino life. With the help of good friends and family, a stand up comedian based in the United States and a very keen observer--Rex Navarrete--plus that famous writer who outsold the Harry Potter books and Twilight Saga--Mr. Bob Ong, I was able to gather a few things that makes us...us.
The first I shall write about are the towelettes flattened on the back of the little children. And as they play with their friends and cousins 'chase' and 'hide-and-seek', you will see this little towel sticking out from behind the child's neck, like a cape of a super hero. It always seemed to me that they were like super kids, trying to hide their real identities by putting a shirt over their capes. This way, our little super heroes will be able to experience a normal and regular life with us mortals. Their shirts were like Clark Kent's glasses, making them able to blend with us. But seriously, I thought of this, and I have two conclusions: 1.) There are moms who do not like sweat sticking on the shirts of their children, so they put a little towel on the back of the child so the sweat is absorbed there instead. 2.) A way to economize--by putting a towelette, the child does not need to keep on changing shirts. Thus, the family can save on laundry soap and of course water.
So now let us go to water. In the Philippines, brown-out is a regular thing. With all the typhoons and storms our country has in a year, electricity needs to be turned off often to prevent and avoid casualties to happen. And no electricity usually means no water because the water companies are unable to pump the water into homes. Thus, many households have their own tanks and of course...tabo and timba. What are these two things: tabo and timba? First we go to timba, this is a plastic pail that usually comes in different colors. Most of these plastic pails are bought from 'Orocan', with the tagline Ang Plastik na Walastik! (Plastic that is Fantastic!). And this is where we Filipinos store our water. Now one cannot have a timba without its plastic scooper, the tabo. The tabo also comes in different colors. It has a long handle and the main part where the water is scooped is fairly deep. With the absence of the plastic tabo, one can also replace this with a tin can.
Many homes have this famous duo, tabo and timba, that when I asked a few if they had this, I got a resounding answer. "Of course!" they said, looking at me as if I just asked them a stupid question. This duo is very common in dwellings of Pinoys that even my spiritual guru, when she told us a story about herself...hmmm.... I'll just call it taking a bath even if it wasn't a bathtub she used for washing herself, since I've never heard of someone taking a timba before. That will sound weird. Someone who has a shower shouts, "I'll take a shower first!" And someone who uses the bathtub would say, "I'll go take a bath!" So what do we Filipinos do then? "Wait for me. I want to take a timba?" Okay, since that has never been said before, let's stick to bath. So as my spiritual guru was telling us a story about her, taking a bath, she suddenly made a movement with her right hand. Her wrist folded her right hand inward, while her fingers formed in a fist, as if she was holding a tabo in her hand. She then moved her hand up to the top of her head, twisted it, and poured. The English lady in our group wondered what she was doing, so she asked, "Oh. May I ask, what are you doing with your hand?" Our spiritual guru explained then the tabo and timba, and that many homes in the Philippines have this duo.
So now I go to body language. Many Filipinos use body language to support a story or emphasize a certain situation that happened to them. Little movements or grand dance steps are made at times. A step back, a move from side to side, hands doing a somewhat Hawaiian flow, and many more. But one most common is an action that shows what mode for communication one used to contact someone else. For example, "Hay naku... I asked her awhile ago, 'Are you joining us?' " And while this person tells her story (both genders do body language, but I am using only one for this situation, only because it's easier), one may notice that maybe her one hand forms into a semi-fist while her thumb starts folding repeatedly, as if she were texting someone--that is if she used her mobile phone to communicate the message. Now if she starts typing or somewhat looks like she is playing the piano in the air, most likely she sent her message using the computer, I assume through 'Facebook'. And if she puts her hand beside her ear, forming a fist with the thumb up and her 'pinky' out, then she talked to that person on the phone.
Now let us go to what Mr. Rex Navarrete, a Filipino who is a stand-up comedian in the U.S., has observed. In his 'Hella Pinoy' video, he demonstrated the culture that is what I would call 'pilitan', which means 'to force'. In the Filipino culture, when one visits another in his or her home, the owner of the home shall invite the guest to eat with them. "Kain tayo (Let's eat)!" he says. "Hindi, sige. Kumain na ako (No. It's okay. I ate already)." : The first refusal. "Sige na. Kain ka na (C'mon. Let's eat)." The owner of the home invites again. "Hindi, sige. Okay lang ako (No. It's okay. I'm okay).": The second refusal. "Sige na. Likha na. Kain ka na dito (C'mon. Come here. Let's eat)." Finally the owner of the home pulls the guest to the table, or puts down the cookies and juice for the guest to eat. On the third, or maybe fourth, the guest will finally eat.
I suddenly remember the story of my father when he went to an acquaintance's house with his friend. They went in and their acquaintance invited them to eat. " Tara, kain tayo (Come. Let's eat)," he said. "Hindi, sige. Kumain na kami (No. It's okay. We ate already), " my father's friend said. So their acquaintance sat with them in his living room and they started to talk. When my father and his friend left, his friend whispered to his ear, "Hindi man lang tayo pinilit (He didn't even force us)." Maybe we can be a little shy, or maybe that is really how many of us see it--that the polite way is to refuse first before we say yes to the invitation. That's possible.
There are numerous little things that Pinoys do, or have. One would be putting leftover food in different ice cream containers. For some reason, even as a kid, I would always notice these containers to be from 'Magnolia', and that they were blue. Nowadays, I have also seen in different households the red 'Selecta' container with the flavor '3 in one ', and Vhong Navarro on the cover. Mr. Rex Navarrete, in one of his shows, told the audience once that he was so happy when he saw so many ice cream containers in the freezer, but when he opened them, to his dismay, they were leftovers of adobo, menudo, giniling and the like, to be heated and eaten on another day. Another one would be putting plates over the food once the food is on the table. I guess this is done to protect the food from some wandering fly that may suddenly appear and join in. The next one would be making glasses out of the 'Lily's' or 'Ludy's ' peanut butter...well...glass. It is really a glass anyway. I think that was part of the marketing plan of 'Lily's' and 'Ludy's ', it is a 2 in 1 for us Filipinos. You get to eat peanut butter, and in the end you are left with a new glass--not bad. Bob Ong, the writer, said you are definitely a Filipino if you have seen toyo (soy sauce) rings on the table more than a few times in your life.
Now when it comes to many homes, since most Filipinos are Catholics, a lot of homes have altars with different Saints, the Virgin Mary and the Sto. Nino. The little things my friends and I have noticed are the paintings or pictures on the walls of many Filipino homes. One would be a painting, a picture, or a mat of 'The Last Supper'. Another picture common in many homes, which would be in a frame, or with lights, or a painting on a mat, would be the horses, usually brown, running in the open field with their hair being blown by the wind. And the last one, which is usually on a mat hanging on the wall, is a picture of dogs playing billiards: one is smoking, the others watching, and a bulldog that is ready to hit the ball. One other photo I have noticed in different homes are the dogs playing poker, also in a mat hanging on the wall.
Finally, a thing we do that I really find cute is when we Filipinos do not want to bother others as we pass them. It seems like the last thing we want is to invade other people's space and/ or conversation. So for example two people are talking, and someone has to pass between them, the person passing will bend so low, hoping that he or she could be invisible enough so that the two friends will just continue with their exchange of stories. And as this person passes, a very soft "iksskss..." will be heard. This means 'excuse me'.
These are the little things many of us Filipinos do. There are still so much more that we do which are distinctly very Pinoy, distinctly our own. And as this journey continues, let us see what else is there, let us see what else is to be revealed, what else is ours, and what else do we share with the rest of the world.
Till next time...
Here are links to Rex Navarrete's 'Hella Pinoy':
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ABU9GTFEXos
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mzkePde9MpY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CoPNsS1EiFo
The first I shall write about are the towelettes flattened on the back of the little children. And as they play with their friends and cousins 'chase' and 'hide-and-seek', you will see this little towel sticking out from behind the child's neck, like a cape of a super hero. It always seemed to me that they were like super kids, trying to hide their real identities by putting a shirt over their capes. This way, our little super heroes will be able to experience a normal and regular life with us mortals. Their shirts were like Clark Kent's glasses, making them able to blend with us. But seriously, I thought of this, and I have two conclusions: 1.) There are moms who do not like sweat sticking on the shirts of their children, so they put a little towel on the back of the child so the sweat is absorbed there instead. 2.) A way to economize--by putting a towelette, the child does not need to keep on changing shirts. Thus, the family can save on laundry soap and of course water.
So now let us go to water. In the Philippines, brown-out is a regular thing. With all the typhoons and storms our country has in a year, electricity needs to be turned off often to prevent and avoid casualties to happen. And no electricity usually means no water because the water companies are unable to pump the water into homes. Thus, many households have their own tanks and of course...tabo and timba. What are these two things: tabo and timba? First we go to timba, this is a plastic pail that usually comes in different colors. Most of these plastic pails are bought from 'Orocan', with the tagline Ang Plastik na Walastik! (Plastic that is Fantastic!). And this is where we Filipinos store our water. Now one cannot have a timba without its plastic scooper, the tabo. The tabo also comes in different colors. It has a long handle and the main part where the water is scooped is fairly deep. With the absence of the plastic tabo, one can also replace this with a tin can.
Many homes have this famous duo, tabo and timba, that when I asked a few if they had this, I got a resounding answer. "Of course!" they said, looking at me as if I just asked them a stupid question. This duo is very common in dwellings of Pinoys that even my spiritual guru, when she told us a story about herself...hmmm.... I'll just call it taking a bath even if it wasn't a bathtub she used for washing herself, since I've never heard of someone taking a timba before. That will sound weird. Someone who has a shower shouts, "I'll take a shower first!" And someone who uses the bathtub would say, "I'll go take a bath!" So what do we Filipinos do then? "Wait for me. I want to take a timba?" Okay, since that has never been said before, let's stick to bath. So as my spiritual guru was telling us a story about her, taking a bath, she suddenly made a movement with her right hand. Her wrist folded her right hand inward, while her fingers formed in a fist, as if she was holding a tabo in her hand. She then moved her hand up to the top of her head, twisted it, and poured. The English lady in our group wondered what she was doing, so she asked, "Oh. May I ask, what are you doing with your hand?" Our spiritual guru explained then the tabo and timba, and that many homes in the Philippines have this duo.
So now I go to body language. Many Filipinos use body language to support a story or emphasize a certain situation that happened to them. Little movements or grand dance steps are made at times. A step back, a move from side to side, hands doing a somewhat Hawaiian flow, and many more. But one most common is an action that shows what mode for communication one used to contact someone else. For example, "Hay naku... I asked her awhile ago, 'Are you joining us?' " And while this person tells her story (both genders do body language, but I am using only one for this situation, only because it's easier), one may notice that maybe her one hand forms into a semi-fist while her thumb starts folding repeatedly, as if she were texting someone--that is if she used her mobile phone to communicate the message. Now if she starts typing or somewhat looks like she is playing the piano in the air, most likely she sent her message using the computer, I assume through 'Facebook'. And if she puts her hand beside her ear, forming a fist with the thumb up and her 'pinky' out, then she talked to that person on the phone.
Now let us go to what Mr. Rex Navarrete, a Filipino who is a stand-up comedian in the U.S., has observed. In his 'Hella Pinoy' video, he demonstrated the culture that is what I would call 'pilitan', which means 'to force'. In the Filipino culture, when one visits another in his or her home, the owner of the home shall invite the guest to eat with them. "Kain tayo (Let's eat)!" he says. "Hindi, sige. Kumain na ako (No. It's okay. I ate already)." : The first refusal. "Sige na. Kain ka na (C'mon. Let's eat)." The owner of the home invites again. "Hindi, sige. Okay lang ako (No. It's okay. I'm okay).": The second refusal. "Sige na. Likha na. Kain ka na dito (C'mon. Come here. Let's eat)." Finally the owner of the home pulls the guest to the table, or puts down the cookies and juice for the guest to eat. On the third, or maybe fourth, the guest will finally eat.
I suddenly remember the story of my father when he went to an acquaintance's house with his friend. They went in and their acquaintance invited them to eat. " Tara, kain tayo (Come. Let's eat)," he said. "Hindi, sige. Kumain na kami (No. It's okay. We ate already), " my father's friend said. So their acquaintance sat with them in his living room and they started to talk. When my father and his friend left, his friend whispered to his ear, "Hindi man lang tayo pinilit (He didn't even force us)." Maybe we can be a little shy, or maybe that is really how many of us see it--that the polite way is to refuse first before we say yes to the invitation. That's possible.
There are numerous little things that Pinoys do, or have. One would be putting leftover food in different ice cream containers. For some reason, even as a kid, I would always notice these containers to be from 'Magnolia', and that they were blue. Nowadays, I have also seen in different households the red 'Selecta' container with the flavor '3 in one ', and Vhong Navarro on the cover. Mr. Rex Navarrete, in one of his shows, told the audience once that he was so happy when he saw so many ice cream containers in the freezer, but when he opened them, to his dismay, they were leftovers of adobo, menudo, giniling and the like, to be heated and eaten on another day. Another one would be putting plates over the food once the food is on the table. I guess this is done to protect the food from some wandering fly that may suddenly appear and join in. The next one would be making glasses out of the 'Lily's' or 'Ludy's ' peanut butter...well...glass. It is really a glass anyway. I think that was part of the marketing plan of 'Lily's' and 'Ludy's ', it is a 2 in 1 for us Filipinos. You get to eat peanut butter, and in the end you are left with a new glass--not bad. Bob Ong, the writer, said you are definitely a Filipino if you have seen toyo (soy sauce) rings on the table more than a few times in your life.
Now when it comes to many homes, since most Filipinos are Catholics, a lot of homes have altars with different Saints, the Virgin Mary and the Sto. Nino. The little things my friends and I have noticed are the paintings or pictures on the walls of many Filipino homes. One would be a painting, a picture, or a mat of 'The Last Supper'. Another picture common in many homes, which would be in a frame, or with lights, or a painting on a mat, would be the horses, usually brown, running in the open field with their hair being blown by the wind. And the last one, which is usually on a mat hanging on the wall, is a picture of dogs playing billiards: one is smoking, the others watching, and a bulldog that is ready to hit the ball. One other photo I have noticed in different homes are the dogs playing poker, also in a mat hanging on the wall.
Finally, a thing we do that I really find cute is when we Filipinos do not want to bother others as we pass them. It seems like the last thing we want is to invade other people's space and/ or conversation. So for example two people are talking, and someone has to pass between them, the person passing will bend so low, hoping that he or she could be invisible enough so that the two friends will just continue with their exchange of stories. And as this person passes, a very soft "iksskss..." will be heard. This means 'excuse me'.
These are the little things many of us Filipinos do. There are still so much more that we do which are distinctly very Pinoy, distinctly our own. And as this journey continues, let us see what else is there, let us see what else is to be revealed, what else is ours, and what else do we share with the rest of the world.
Till next time...
Here are links to Rex Navarrete's 'Hella Pinoy':
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ABU9GTFEXos
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mzkePde9MpY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CoPNsS1EiFo
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Exploring the Filipino Psyche Day 14A: "Ang Araw-araw na Ugaling Pinoy"
Parang napupusuan ko nanamang magsulat sa wikang Filipino. Pero sige, para sa mga mas mahilig magbasa ng Ingles, gagawa ako ng 2 bersyon ng entry na ito. Malamang may kaunting kaibahan ang pagkuwento at bagsak ng pananalita ko dito. Ito siguro ay sa kadahilanan na iba ang takbo ng utak ko kapag ang aking pagsasalaysay as sa Filipino, at iba rin ang bagsak kapag Ingles naman ang gamit ko. Sige, umpisahan na natin 'to.
Ngayon naman ay titingin tayo sa araw-araw na pag-obserba sa maliliit na bagay na kasama sa ugaling Pinoy. Sa aking paglalalakbay sa mga daan ng ating bayan, may mga bagay-bagay na tila hindi na siguro natin masyado nabibigyang pansin. Malamang kasama na itong mga ito sa pagiging isang Filipino. Sa tulong ng pagpupuna ng sikat na komedyante sa Amerika na si Rex Navarrete, ang manunulat na si Bob Ong, aking pamilya, at ang mga matalik kong kaibigan na mahilig din tumingin tingin sa paligid natin at mag-obserba ng mga araw-araw na gawain ng ating kapwa Filipino, itong entry na ito ay nabuo.
Una nating papansinin ay ang mga bata. Hindi ko alam kung karamihan din ng bata na taga ibang bansa ay tumatakbo na para bang may kapa na nakatago sa loob ng mga t-shirt nila. Alam natin kapag batang Pinoy ang musmos na nagtatatakbo kapag may nakita tayong sumisilip na twalya sa kanilang mga likod, na para ba silang maliliit na super heroes at tinatago lamang sa mga kalaro nila na sila pala ay may powers.
Naiintindihan ko ang tuwalya na pang huli ng pawis sa mga likod ng batang nakikipaghabulan sa kanilang mga kalaro. Nasanay yata tayo maging preparado sa mga araw na brown-out at walang tubig, kung kaya't ang papalit-palit pa ng t-shirt ay makakadagdag ng labada na pwede naman sana'y iwasan kung lagyan nalang lamang ng tuwalya sa likod ng bata. Parang magaling yata ang Pinoy mag-isip ng paraan kung papaano makakatipid, pati maliit na bagay tulad nito ay naisip pa para lamang hindi mag-aaksaya ng tubig at sabon panlaba.
Mapunta naman tayo sa mga araw na walang ilaw, at madalas na pag walang ilaw o kuryente ay wala ring tubig. At dahil dito, handa ang Pinoy sa mga araw na ito--ang ating armas: tabo at timba. Nagtanong ako sa hindi naman maraming Pinoy, kung mayroon nga ba silang tabo at timba sa kanilang mga tahanan, apartment, o condo unit. Ang maraming sagot na aking na pulot ay matunog na "Siyempre!" May kasama pang kunot ng noo yung iba na para bang nagsasabing, "Ano bang klaseng tanong yan?!" Tama nga naman, pagkat pag dumalo tayo sa iba't ibang bahay, nagtataka tayo kapag walang tabo at timba tayong nakikita sa banyo ng ating kakilala. Pati na rin ang aking spiritual guru ay mayroon nito sa bahay nila. Naalala ko bigla nuong siya ay nagkukuwento sa amin ng isang beses tunkol sa pagligo niya. Habang nagkukuwento siya ay umaksyon siya na para bang sumasandok ng tubig sa timba gamit ang tabo at ibinuhos sa ulo. "So while I was washing up..." ang sabi niya. Napatingin sa kanya ang aming kasama na Inglatera at napatanong," Oh. May I ask, what are you doing with your hand?" Nagtaka kasi siya sa aksyon na ginawa ng aming guru. At duon ineksplika ng aming guru na dito sa Pilipinas ay mahirap ang tubig, lalo na kapag brown-out, kung kaya't mayroong tabo at timba ang maraming tahanan dito.
At dito pupunta tayo sa susunod na kapuna-puna, ang paggamit ng aksyon kapag tayo ay nagkukuwento sa isa't isa. Mayroon tayo kung tawagin sa Ingles na body language, at ito ay ginagamit kapag nagkukuwento sa iba. Minsan ito ay lumalabas na mukhang parang sayaw, kung minsan naman ay konting galaw lang naman ang ating isinasagawa. Madalas tayo gumamit ng aksyon sa pagkuwento na bilang pamamaraan sa pagusporta ng ating ini-istorya. Halimbawa, "Hay naku. Tinanong ko nga kanina eh... 'Are you joining us?'" At sa pagkuwento, kapansin pansin ang mga kamay na biglang gagalaw na lamang kapag binigkas na niya ang kanyang naitanong na 'Are you joinining us?' sa kaibigan. Sa kanyang mga galaw, maipapakita niya kung papaano niya naitanong ito. Kung siya ay nag-text para tanungin ang tanong niya, ang isang kamay ay kukulobot at huhugis na parang isang kamao habang ang kanyang hinlalaki ay pumipindot sa ere. Kung ito naman ay siguro tinanong niya gamit ang kompyuter, sa panahon ngayon malamang naitonong niya sa 'Facebook', ang mga daliri ng pareho niyang kamay ay magmumukhang nag pa-piyano sa ere. Ganun din kung telepono ang gamit ng isang tao, ang hinlilit ay tatapat sa bibig, habang ang hinlalaki ay nasa may tainga.
Ngayon punta naman tayo sa mga napuna ng komedyante na si Rex Navarrete. Isa sa kanyang napuna ay ang 'pilitan'. Ito ay ginagawa kapag bumisita ang isang Pinoy sa tahanan ng iba. Nakasanayan natin na kapag tayo ay pumunta sa bahay ng iba, at ang maybahay ay nagyaya sa atin na kumain kasama nila, o 'di kaya'y nag-yaya ng biskwit at juice, hindi dapat tayo umo-oo agad agad. "Hindi, sige. Okay lang ako," ang ating unang sagot sa unang yaya ng maybahay." "Sige na, kumain ka na. Likha..." ang yaya naman ulit ng may-ari ng tahanan. "Hindi, sige lang. Kain lang kayo," ang pangalawang sagot natin. "Hindi, likha na. Maupo ka dito," ang pilit ng maybahay, sabay hila na sa atin at papa-upuin sa may lamesa kasama ang kanilang buong pamilya. Sa panahon na ito, kakain na rin tayo.
Naalala ko bigla ang kwento ng tatay ko tunkol sa kanyang kaibigan na kasama niya papunta sa kanilang kakilala. Pagpasok sa bahay ng kanilang kakilala, nagyaya ito na kumain ang tatay ko at ang kaniyang kaibigan, na kasama niya at ang kaniyang pamilya. "Hindi, sige. Kumain na kami," ang sagot ng kaibigan ng tatay ko sa imbitasyon, kung kaya't naupo sila sa sala at nagkwentuhan na lamang dito. Pag-alis nila, biglang nagbulong ang kaibigan ng tatay ko sa kaniya, "Hindi man lang tayo pinilit," ang reklamo niya. Naghanap pala siya ng kaunting tulak bago sumagot ng 'oo' . Mukhang nasa ugali nga siguro natin ang may kaunting papilit-pilit muna bago pumayag sa isang imbitasyong kumain, o sa kaunting pakain na biskwit at juice.
Marami pang maliliit na bagay na kasama sa araw-araw ng pagiging isang Pinoy. Isa na rito ang paggamit ng lalagyan ng ice cream, madalas 'Magnolia' na kulay blue ito, para maitago muli ang mga adobo, menudo, o 'di kaya'y giniling na hindi naubos kahapon, o nuong isang araw pa, at dito na lamang itatago bago initin ulit (puna ni Rex Navarrete). Pagnakahain naman ang ulam at wala pang dumadating para kumain, tatakpan muna natin ang lahat ng ulam at kanin ng mga nakataob na plato. Siguro ito ay ginagawa dahil baka may pumuslit at pumasok sa bahay na isang langaw, kung kaya't preparado na ang ulam na nakaprotekta laban sa kanila. May mga bahay naman na ginawang baso ang mga dating lalagyan ng peanut butter na may tatak na "Lily's", at pagkatapos kumain, ayon kay Bob Ong, Pilipino ka nga kung kahit minsan sa buhay mo ay nakakita ka na ng toyo 'rings' sa lamesa. Ngayon naman, pagdating naman sa maraming tahanan dito sa Pilipinas, marami tayong makikita na nakasabit sa dingding na pintura ng 'Last Supper', mga kabayong tumatakbo, o 'di kaya'y mga asong nagbibilyar (puna naming magkakaibigan habang nagkwekwentuhan). At dahil marami sa atin ay Katoliko, maraming tahanan ang may altar at Sto. Nino.
Ang isang bagay na ikinatutuwa ko rin ay ang paggalang natin sa espasyo ng ating kapwa. Ayaw nating makaistorbo sa iba kung kaya't pag tayo ay dumadaan sa gitna ng dalawang tao na nag-uusap, para tayong nanliliit sa kuba dahil sa pagbaluktot ng katawan pagtayo'y dadaan. At ito rin ay hahaluan ng, "iksskss..." na ang ibig sabihin ay 'excuse me'.
Katuwa-tuwa nga naman ilakbay ang iba't ibang estilo at pamamaraan ng mga Pilipino. Kung iisa-isahin natin dito kung ano talaga tayo, eh baka abutin naman tayo ng siyam-siyam niyan. Siguro pakonti konti nating lakbayin at himayin ang ating kaugalian at tignan natin kung ano pa ang ating mapupuna sa susunod.
Eh, 'di paano, ganun ganun nalang muna. Magkita tayo sa uulitin.
Si Rex Navarrete ay isank sikat na stand-up comedian na naka base sa Amerika:
Hella Pinoy 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ABU9GTFEXos
Hella Pinoy 2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mzkePde9MpY
Hella Pinoy 3: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CoPNsS1EiFo
Hella Pinoy 4:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lz7lSHOwM-A
Hella Pinoy 5: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DhWhvGSU75g
Hella Pinoy 6: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NXDgsQk5RPc&feature=related
Hella Pinoy 7: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H83s8aipkKE&feature=related
Hella Pinoy 8: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jf9QFjHQ9kY
Ngayon naman ay titingin tayo sa araw-araw na pag-obserba sa maliliit na bagay na kasama sa ugaling Pinoy. Sa aking paglalalakbay sa mga daan ng ating bayan, may mga bagay-bagay na tila hindi na siguro natin masyado nabibigyang pansin. Malamang kasama na itong mga ito sa pagiging isang Filipino. Sa tulong ng pagpupuna ng sikat na komedyante sa Amerika na si Rex Navarrete, ang manunulat na si Bob Ong, aking pamilya, at ang mga matalik kong kaibigan na mahilig din tumingin tingin sa paligid natin at mag-obserba ng mga araw-araw na gawain ng ating kapwa Filipino, itong entry na ito ay nabuo.
Una nating papansinin ay ang mga bata. Hindi ko alam kung karamihan din ng bata na taga ibang bansa ay tumatakbo na para bang may kapa na nakatago sa loob ng mga t-shirt nila. Alam natin kapag batang Pinoy ang musmos na nagtatatakbo kapag may nakita tayong sumisilip na twalya sa kanilang mga likod, na para ba silang maliliit na super heroes at tinatago lamang sa mga kalaro nila na sila pala ay may powers.
Naiintindihan ko ang tuwalya na pang huli ng pawis sa mga likod ng batang nakikipaghabulan sa kanilang mga kalaro. Nasanay yata tayo maging preparado sa mga araw na brown-out at walang tubig, kung kaya't ang papalit-palit pa ng t-shirt ay makakadagdag ng labada na pwede naman sana'y iwasan kung lagyan nalang lamang ng tuwalya sa likod ng bata. Parang magaling yata ang Pinoy mag-isip ng paraan kung papaano makakatipid, pati maliit na bagay tulad nito ay naisip pa para lamang hindi mag-aaksaya ng tubig at sabon panlaba.
Mapunta naman tayo sa mga araw na walang ilaw, at madalas na pag walang ilaw o kuryente ay wala ring tubig. At dahil dito, handa ang Pinoy sa mga araw na ito--ang ating armas: tabo at timba. Nagtanong ako sa hindi naman maraming Pinoy, kung mayroon nga ba silang tabo at timba sa kanilang mga tahanan, apartment, o condo unit. Ang maraming sagot na aking na pulot ay matunog na "Siyempre!" May kasama pang kunot ng noo yung iba na para bang nagsasabing, "Ano bang klaseng tanong yan?!" Tama nga naman, pagkat pag dumalo tayo sa iba't ibang bahay, nagtataka tayo kapag walang tabo at timba tayong nakikita sa banyo ng ating kakilala. Pati na rin ang aking spiritual guru ay mayroon nito sa bahay nila. Naalala ko bigla nuong siya ay nagkukuwento sa amin ng isang beses tunkol sa pagligo niya. Habang nagkukuwento siya ay umaksyon siya na para bang sumasandok ng tubig sa timba gamit ang tabo at ibinuhos sa ulo. "So while I was washing up..." ang sabi niya. Napatingin sa kanya ang aming kasama na Inglatera at napatanong," Oh. May I ask, what are you doing with your hand?" Nagtaka kasi siya sa aksyon na ginawa ng aming guru. At duon ineksplika ng aming guru na dito sa Pilipinas ay mahirap ang tubig, lalo na kapag brown-out, kung kaya't mayroong tabo at timba ang maraming tahanan dito.
At dito pupunta tayo sa susunod na kapuna-puna, ang paggamit ng aksyon kapag tayo ay nagkukuwento sa isa't isa. Mayroon tayo kung tawagin sa Ingles na body language, at ito ay ginagamit kapag nagkukuwento sa iba. Minsan ito ay lumalabas na mukhang parang sayaw, kung minsan naman ay konting galaw lang naman ang ating isinasagawa. Madalas tayo gumamit ng aksyon sa pagkuwento na bilang pamamaraan sa pagusporta ng ating ini-istorya. Halimbawa, "Hay naku. Tinanong ko nga kanina eh... 'Are you joining us?'" At sa pagkuwento, kapansin pansin ang mga kamay na biglang gagalaw na lamang kapag binigkas na niya ang kanyang naitanong na 'Are you joinining us?' sa kaibigan. Sa kanyang mga galaw, maipapakita niya kung papaano niya naitanong ito. Kung siya ay nag-text para tanungin ang tanong niya, ang isang kamay ay kukulobot at huhugis na parang isang kamao habang ang kanyang hinlalaki ay pumipindot sa ere. Kung ito naman ay siguro tinanong niya gamit ang kompyuter, sa panahon ngayon malamang naitonong niya sa 'Facebook', ang mga daliri ng pareho niyang kamay ay magmumukhang nag pa-piyano sa ere. Ganun din kung telepono ang gamit ng isang tao, ang hinlilit ay tatapat sa bibig, habang ang hinlalaki ay nasa may tainga.
Ngayon punta naman tayo sa mga napuna ng komedyante na si Rex Navarrete. Isa sa kanyang napuna ay ang 'pilitan'. Ito ay ginagawa kapag bumisita ang isang Pinoy sa tahanan ng iba. Nakasanayan natin na kapag tayo ay pumunta sa bahay ng iba, at ang maybahay ay nagyaya sa atin na kumain kasama nila, o 'di kaya'y nag-yaya ng biskwit at juice, hindi dapat tayo umo-oo agad agad. "Hindi, sige. Okay lang ako," ang ating unang sagot sa unang yaya ng maybahay." "Sige na, kumain ka na. Likha..." ang yaya naman ulit ng may-ari ng tahanan. "Hindi, sige lang. Kain lang kayo," ang pangalawang sagot natin. "Hindi, likha na. Maupo ka dito," ang pilit ng maybahay, sabay hila na sa atin at papa-upuin sa may lamesa kasama ang kanilang buong pamilya. Sa panahon na ito, kakain na rin tayo.
Naalala ko bigla ang kwento ng tatay ko tunkol sa kanyang kaibigan na kasama niya papunta sa kanilang kakilala. Pagpasok sa bahay ng kanilang kakilala, nagyaya ito na kumain ang tatay ko at ang kaniyang kaibigan, na kasama niya at ang kaniyang pamilya. "Hindi, sige. Kumain na kami," ang sagot ng kaibigan ng tatay ko sa imbitasyon, kung kaya't naupo sila sa sala at nagkwentuhan na lamang dito. Pag-alis nila, biglang nagbulong ang kaibigan ng tatay ko sa kaniya, "Hindi man lang tayo pinilit," ang reklamo niya. Naghanap pala siya ng kaunting tulak bago sumagot ng 'oo' . Mukhang nasa ugali nga siguro natin ang may kaunting papilit-pilit muna bago pumayag sa isang imbitasyong kumain, o sa kaunting pakain na biskwit at juice.
Marami pang maliliit na bagay na kasama sa araw-araw ng pagiging isang Pinoy. Isa na rito ang paggamit ng lalagyan ng ice cream, madalas 'Magnolia' na kulay blue ito, para maitago muli ang mga adobo, menudo, o 'di kaya'y giniling na hindi naubos kahapon, o nuong isang araw pa, at dito na lamang itatago bago initin ulit (puna ni Rex Navarrete). Pagnakahain naman ang ulam at wala pang dumadating para kumain, tatakpan muna natin ang lahat ng ulam at kanin ng mga nakataob na plato. Siguro ito ay ginagawa dahil baka may pumuslit at pumasok sa bahay na isang langaw, kung kaya't preparado na ang ulam na nakaprotekta laban sa kanila. May mga bahay naman na ginawang baso ang mga dating lalagyan ng peanut butter na may tatak na "Lily's", at pagkatapos kumain, ayon kay Bob Ong, Pilipino ka nga kung kahit minsan sa buhay mo ay nakakita ka na ng toyo 'rings' sa lamesa. Ngayon naman, pagdating naman sa maraming tahanan dito sa Pilipinas, marami tayong makikita na nakasabit sa dingding na pintura ng 'Last Supper', mga kabayong tumatakbo, o 'di kaya'y mga asong nagbibilyar (puna naming magkakaibigan habang nagkwekwentuhan). At dahil marami sa atin ay Katoliko, maraming tahanan ang may altar at Sto. Nino.
Ang isang bagay na ikinatutuwa ko rin ay ang paggalang natin sa espasyo ng ating kapwa. Ayaw nating makaistorbo sa iba kung kaya't pag tayo ay dumadaan sa gitna ng dalawang tao na nag-uusap, para tayong nanliliit sa kuba dahil sa pagbaluktot ng katawan pagtayo'y dadaan. At ito rin ay hahaluan ng, "iksskss..." na ang ibig sabihin ay 'excuse me'.
Katuwa-tuwa nga naman ilakbay ang iba't ibang estilo at pamamaraan ng mga Pilipino. Kung iisa-isahin natin dito kung ano talaga tayo, eh baka abutin naman tayo ng siyam-siyam niyan. Siguro pakonti konti nating lakbayin at himayin ang ating kaugalian at tignan natin kung ano pa ang ating mapupuna sa susunod.
Eh, 'di paano, ganun ganun nalang muna. Magkita tayo sa uulitin.
Si Rex Navarrete ay isank sikat na stand-up comedian na naka base sa Amerika:
Hella Pinoy 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ABU9GTFEXos
Hella Pinoy 2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mzkePde9MpY
Hella Pinoy 3: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CoPNsS1EiFo
Hella Pinoy 4:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lz7lSHOwM-A
Hella Pinoy 5: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DhWhvGSU75g
Hella Pinoy 6: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NXDgsQk5RPc&feature=related
Hella Pinoy 7: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H83s8aipkKE&feature=related
Hella Pinoy 8: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jf9QFjHQ9kY
Thursday, February 10, 2011
A Break from the Explore: 'This is for My Countrymen'
I was writing my next entry for my exploration, which I have begun the other day, and for the past few days I was excited to sit down and write more. I was even delighted making the two shifts from Filipino to English for the two entries on one topic. But as I sat today and tried to continue, I couldn’t. The turn of events in the recent past has bothered me. Death is never an easy thing, and just the other day, February 8, 2011, a former Chief of the Armed Forces of the Philippines, Mr. Angelo Reyes, killed himself. No, I am not related to this man nor is he a friend. Yes, I have seen him a few times in rallies and in different affairs. But I do not know him, and yet his death hit me. And I know it hit many of us, if not all of us, Filipinos. For in his death, two tragic ends happened: an end to a man’s life, and an end to the shedding of some light that could have helped us know more about the truth, that could have helped us more get to the end of this…corruption.
I am an idealist. I always have been, and I think will die as one. I belong to a family who never withheld the truth from us. And as a child, the stories told to me of life were no Roberto Benigni’s ‘Life is Beautiful’ or Will Smith’s ‘Pursuit of Happyness’ version of the real one, they were never sugar-coated. They were always the harsh truth of what was really happening to our people: the deaths, the political killings, the oppression, and the corruption. Although I had my fairy tales with me, I did go through the beauty of good stories, but I was also told the not so good ones. The sad part was that the not so good ones that were not of rainbows and butterflies were the true stories. Happy stories? Yes, there were lots. But the sad ones were numerous, too.
I was a silent child. And in my silence I think there were family members, and also classmates in school, who perceived me as someone who did not care much, or maybe even did not know much. I only did open my mouth to crack a joke, because that was when they listened. But when it was my serious side, I stuttered. So I had my imaginary friend, a maroon giraffe, who knew me well. And this may be the reason why I began to write. I had to let it be known somehow. How I truly felt. How maybe I did care. And how I wondered why a child like me rode a car, there were comforts; and how another child like me sat on his mother’s lap in a jeepney. Stories of the government and corruption were big stories, and I could not grasp them whole as to why those stories led to people sleeping in the streets, or inequality of comforts.
But as I got older, I understood more. As a child, I would look out the window of the car I rode in and gathered stories and wonders on ‘why’. As I looked out that window one day, I saw an old man that up to this day I remember. The hair on his head was all gray. He had a long beard and a mustache. He sat at the foot of a hotel—shirtless, dirty, and hungry. His ribs protruded and he was holding his tummy as he swayed back and forth. I was 10, if I am not mistaken, when I saw him, yet the image of him is still very clear to me. The whole scene of that moment never grew vague: The lavish façade of this hotel, with waterfalls that seemed to fall on this man who had nothing, not even decent clothes to wear. The hotel was his backdrop. Its luxury seemed to overflow with such beauty, and yet in front of it was this man. A man trying to remove his desire for food by embracing his tummy, and maybe hoping that this might soothe him, even at least a little. But it did not seem like it. His face did not express it. His face expressed pain. And that was when I realized the irony, the wide disparity. I sat in the car thinking…why? And that’s when I understood a little more about corruption.
Fast forward to now, we have lost a soldier, and the country grieves this loss. We mourn, and we are shocked. But as we pray for his soul to find peace, let us not forget our other soldiers who have protected us and served us. Right now is the time that we protect them back. Right now is the time that they need us to fight for them. Right now is the time we pursue eroding those filthy hands that dipped their fingers and stole from our soldiers, leaving them in debt, in hardship, and plainly leaving them alone—unappreciated and uncared for.
We have fought this battle against corruption so many times and I wonder when flowers shall bloom and spread massively again. We are a happy race, but this is one problem we need to topple. It is not an easy task, but we have people, fellow Filipinos, who should also be given a chance to a better life. I am hoping that it will not be my whole life that our people shall fight for their right to comforts. I am hoping it will not be my whole life that our people will seek their share of convenience, of simply having a bed to sleep on, having a humble abode to call their own, having a life that they may call worth living.
The fight continues…
'Bayan Ko' is like the 2nd national anthem of the Philippines. This song has been sung by the Filipino people in historical moments of the country.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sd-2lWx52R8
'Bayan Ko' is like the 2nd national anthem of the Philippines. This song has been sung by the Filipino people in historical moments of the country.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sd-2lWx52R8
Friday, January 28, 2011
Exploring the Filipino Psyche Day 13: Faiths
Now I talk about Faiths. The Philippines is a country with people who hold strongly on the value of a certain practice of a religion, or a spiritual life. Most of the people are Catholics, then there is Protestantism, Islam, Buddhism, Iglesia ni Cristo (Church of Christ), Aglipay and many more. In my other entries, I have mentioned tools from the Filipino's survival kit which include staying happy and festive by putting laughter and being positive most of the time; generosity and hospitality that are rooted from the people's care for others; and music which gives joy and also therapy for those sorrowful days. Then there is religion. Although I see religion as not a tool in the survival kit of the Filipinos, but as the essence in their willingness to move on and move forward no matter how difficult or even tragic their experiences may be.
I was born and raised a Catholic. And because I am one, my parents made me study in a Catholic School. I also had my first communion, know the rosary and did go to mass every Sunday. And because of Christianity, Holy Week is very sacred in the country, and Christmas is still more about Jesus Christ than Santa Claus. I have noticed that many Filipinos are great devotees of their religion. The El Shaddai community, a Catholic Charismatic group founded by Brother Mike Velarde, gather every Saturday. And during their gathering, because many followers religiously go to the worship day, traffic is definite in the place where they have it. Thus, every Saturday, many, especially taxi drivers, avoid the route where the place of worship of the El Shaddai community will be held. Then every Wednesday is what the Filipinos call Baclaran Day. Baclaran is the place where a famous Catholic Church stands. Many Catholics go to the Baclaran Church on Wednesday to hear mass, or they go midnight or early morning before dawn to pray in the church. Many celebrities and those who prefer a silent prayer would do the latter. So on Wednesday, traffic transfers to this area.
Being a Catholic, and being raised as one, my orientation as a child and a teenager when it came to religion was more of this faith than any other. But as I got older, I became curious about other faiths. I met more people outside Catholicism and realized that there was really no big difference between one's faith to the other. The practice may be different, parts in the belief are, too, but the reason is pretty much the same for all--to be a better person. It seems to me that we wish to join a group or community that has the same translation and interpretation as our own. One that shall fill a certain hunger and answer the questions, personal questions, for us.
As a Catholic, I went through the motions of obligation, but did not seem to feel the importance at the beginning. Then, one day, I turned the page of a newspaper and read about a Yoga meditation center. My friend and I went to see how it was. And after we meditated, it felt nice. We felt light. And when we opened our eyes, the spiritual guru said something that I do remember up to this day. He did not say anything that moved me, but he did say something that made me stay: "Don't expect us to change you. You do that on your own." And with that simple statement, I found my spiritual home. I am not saying that everyone should join Yoga meditation, the friend who came with me went to meditation but continued to hear mass every Wednesday and Sunday. All I am saying is that this method worked for me, personally. For others, this simple statement may not mean anything, but for me, who is the youngest in the family and who grew up having others tell me what I should do, someone who assured me that I am free to think on my own, and for me to do the growth on my own, was a welcome change. So I embraced it immediately, and through my meditation and journey of a spiritual life, I realized the importance and value of each faith.
A choice of faith, I believe, is like a search on what is suitable to the individual--not one fits all. I believe this is how it goes since we all have different questions we want answered. And because of these questions, one may feel more drawn to reincarnation, and the other may not. One may feel more comfortable perceiving the greater force as God, the other calls it Universe, and another prefers Allah. But if we think about it well, what is the big difference? It seems to me...nothing. Since more often than not, most individuals want one thing--authentic happiness.
Most wars of man are caused by conflict on faith, on religion. Why should two faiths fight? Just because one does not translate life the way the other does? Why do we insist that we all should see things the same way? Why do we sometimes feel that 'our way' is right, and all others made a mistake? Maybe the unity we need is not about belonging to one way in perceiving things, not belonging to one translation, but more the acceptance that there are numerous ways, yet the goal is one--compassion for all, love. I believe that being anchored by a certain religion or spiritual life is a good thing, as long as we follow this path not because we think we become better than others, but because it is in this path that we shall learn how to care for others more.
Now as I sit here typing away, I remember our Muslim brothers and sisters, and the challenges they go through because they were born Muslim. I do not know and fully understand the Islamic faith, so my stand on it is just curiosity, because I do not know much about it, and also because I have friends and acquaintances who are Muslims. As I wrote my first book, I decided to somehow defend them and remove the stigma of terrorism, which many have connected their religion to. So there I was,walking around and looking for books which may represent their Koran. And as I paced around the place where a book fair was held, I finally found a Muslim lady with the booklets I needed. She told me what booklets to buy and she even gave one free. Then she invited me to a talk their religion had the next day. So I said, "Oh, I would love to go, but I hope you understand that I do not want to be converted to any religion." Then the nice lady looked at me, and with her sincere eyes, she smiled and replied, "I will not convert you. I just want you to understand us more. We are not bad people and we just want you to know that." I was so embarrassed with this nice lady for making conclusions on her invitation. "Oh. Okay. That would be nice," I simply said. But then I became curious about her since her face changed and I felt it had something to do with my comment, which I hated myself for. She then told me what their life was like. The every day discrimination they had to live with. The stares of rejection others gave them, and as she told me stories, I could sense her pain in her voice, her sadness.
I believe that religion has its good intention no matter what faith this is, but no matter how good the intention is, the individual still has a personal interpretation of it. Thus, there are those who are devoted to it in a sanctimonious way, others use fanaticism, and the one way I believe shall help us understand why it is there is humility. If maybe we seek God, Allah, Universe, the greater force with the thought and idea that this is a personal journey, then maybe we will respect the choice of faith of others which are different from our own.
Now I remember Rachel Corrie, an American who joined the International Solidarity Movement (ISM) and was assigned in Gaza. She was crushed to death by a bulldozer when she acted as a human shield to protect a Palestinian home. Rachel, at a tender age of 10, gave out a speech on why she cared and was concerned about poverty and equality for all men, and women. At a tender age she understood and perceived things with a big heart, and with love for all. Then she went to a place where killing happens every day, and religion being the core of this war. In the one act play, 'My Name is Rachel Corrie', which was based on Rachel's e-mails and her diary, there was a line that struck me, and this was the calling and heed of the Palestinian family that took Rachel in. As the character Rachel in the play did her monologue, she talked about her conversation with the kind Palestinian family when she wondered why they were so kind to her: "My mother in this family pleaded to me, 'Please tell them. Please tell them that not all of us here are like them. We are kind people, and we do not like what they are doing. We also want this to be over.' " The line made me shed a tear. A cry for help of innocent people who believe in goodness even at the midst of all bad. And Rachel Corrie, even as a child, had a dream. And her dream was not only for her, but for all of us. If a child can dream this big, then why don't we have this dream with her?
I went to 'The Day of Remembrance' of my lady spiritual guru once. It was a festive mood with shitar playing and sanskrit chants. Then at the end of the beautiful music the band shared with us, it was time to eat. I sat beside one of the members of the band. He was a very nice man and we talked about spirituality. Then I asked, "You are Hindu, are you not?" Then he answered, "Yes. But first, I am human just like you." I took a pause and he knew I understood what he wanted me to understand, that a religion is a way, a choice, but it does not define one to an extent that we become so different from the other. Our religion, our faith, I believe is not there to separate us from each other. It was formed to unite us.
And as people with the same label, 'human being', what indeed is the difference?
Two videos on Rachel Corrie:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UK8Z3i3aTq4&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_2Qz3E9wR8
I was born and raised a Catholic. And because I am one, my parents made me study in a Catholic School. I also had my first communion, know the rosary and did go to mass every Sunday. And because of Christianity, Holy Week is very sacred in the country, and Christmas is still more about Jesus Christ than Santa Claus. I have noticed that many Filipinos are great devotees of their religion. The El Shaddai community, a Catholic Charismatic group founded by Brother Mike Velarde, gather every Saturday. And during their gathering, because many followers religiously go to the worship day, traffic is definite in the place where they have it. Thus, every Saturday, many, especially taxi drivers, avoid the route where the place of worship of the El Shaddai community will be held. Then every Wednesday is what the Filipinos call Baclaran Day. Baclaran is the place where a famous Catholic Church stands. Many Catholics go to the Baclaran Church on Wednesday to hear mass, or they go midnight or early morning before dawn to pray in the church. Many celebrities and those who prefer a silent prayer would do the latter. So on Wednesday, traffic transfers to this area.
Being a Catholic, and being raised as one, my orientation as a child and a teenager when it came to religion was more of this faith than any other. But as I got older, I became curious about other faiths. I met more people outside Catholicism and realized that there was really no big difference between one's faith to the other. The practice may be different, parts in the belief are, too, but the reason is pretty much the same for all--to be a better person. It seems to me that we wish to join a group or community that has the same translation and interpretation as our own. One that shall fill a certain hunger and answer the questions, personal questions, for us.
As a Catholic, I went through the motions of obligation, but did not seem to feel the importance at the beginning. Then, one day, I turned the page of a newspaper and read about a Yoga meditation center. My friend and I went to see how it was. And after we meditated, it felt nice. We felt light. And when we opened our eyes, the spiritual guru said something that I do remember up to this day. He did not say anything that moved me, but he did say something that made me stay: "Don't expect us to change you. You do that on your own." And with that simple statement, I found my spiritual home. I am not saying that everyone should join Yoga meditation, the friend who came with me went to meditation but continued to hear mass every Wednesday and Sunday. All I am saying is that this method worked for me, personally. For others, this simple statement may not mean anything, but for me, who is the youngest in the family and who grew up having others tell me what I should do, someone who assured me that I am free to think on my own, and for me to do the growth on my own, was a welcome change. So I embraced it immediately, and through my meditation and journey of a spiritual life, I realized the importance and value of each faith.
A choice of faith, I believe, is like a search on what is suitable to the individual--not one fits all. I believe this is how it goes since we all have different questions we want answered. And because of these questions, one may feel more drawn to reincarnation, and the other may not. One may feel more comfortable perceiving the greater force as God, the other calls it Universe, and another prefers Allah. But if we think about it well, what is the big difference? It seems to me...nothing. Since more often than not, most individuals want one thing--authentic happiness.
Most wars of man are caused by conflict on faith, on religion. Why should two faiths fight? Just because one does not translate life the way the other does? Why do we insist that we all should see things the same way? Why do we sometimes feel that 'our way' is right, and all others made a mistake? Maybe the unity we need is not about belonging to one way in perceiving things, not belonging to one translation, but more the acceptance that there are numerous ways, yet the goal is one--compassion for all, love. I believe that being anchored by a certain religion or spiritual life is a good thing, as long as we follow this path not because we think we become better than others, but because it is in this path that we shall learn how to care for others more.
Now as I sit here typing away, I remember our Muslim brothers and sisters, and the challenges they go through because they were born Muslim. I do not know and fully understand the Islamic faith, so my stand on it is just curiosity, because I do not know much about it, and also because I have friends and acquaintances who are Muslims. As I wrote my first book, I decided to somehow defend them and remove the stigma of terrorism, which many have connected their religion to. So there I was,walking around and looking for books which may represent their Koran. And as I paced around the place where a book fair was held, I finally found a Muslim lady with the booklets I needed. She told me what booklets to buy and she even gave one free. Then she invited me to a talk their religion had the next day. So I said, "Oh, I would love to go, but I hope you understand that I do not want to be converted to any religion." Then the nice lady looked at me, and with her sincere eyes, she smiled and replied, "I will not convert you. I just want you to understand us more. We are not bad people and we just want you to know that." I was so embarrassed with this nice lady for making conclusions on her invitation. "Oh. Okay. That would be nice," I simply said. But then I became curious about her since her face changed and I felt it had something to do with my comment, which I hated myself for. She then told me what their life was like. The every day discrimination they had to live with. The stares of rejection others gave them, and as she told me stories, I could sense her pain in her voice, her sadness.
I believe that religion has its good intention no matter what faith this is, but no matter how good the intention is, the individual still has a personal interpretation of it. Thus, there are those who are devoted to it in a sanctimonious way, others use fanaticism, and the one way I believe shall help us understand why it is there is humility. If maybe we seek God, Allah, Universe, the greater force with the thought and idea that this is a personal journey, then maybe we will respect the choice of faith of others which are different from our own.
Now I remember Rachel Corrie, an American who joined the International Solidarity Movement (ISM) and was assigned in Gaza. She was crushed to death by a bulldozer when she acted as a human shield to protect a Palestinian home. Rachel, at a tender age of 10, gave out a speech on why she cared and was concerned about poverty and equality for all men, and women. At a tender age she understood and perceived things with a big heart, and with love for all. Then she went to a place where killing happens every day, and religion being the core of this war. In the one act play, 'My Name is Rachel Corrie', which was based on Rachel's e-mails and her diary, there was a line that struck me, and this was the calling and heed of the Palestinian family that took Rachel in. As the character Rachel in the play did her monologue, she talked about her conversation with the kind Palestinian family when she wondered why they were so kind to her: "My mother in this family pleaded to me, 'Please tell them. Please tell them that not all of us here are like them. We are kind people, and we do not like what they are doing. We also want this to be over.' " The line made me shed a tear. A cry for help of innocent people who believe in goodness even at the midst of all bad. And Rachel Corrie, even as a child, had a dream. And her dream was not only for her, but for all of us. If a child can dream this big, then why don't we have this dream with her?
I went to 'The Day of Remembrance' of my lady spiritual guru once. It was a festive mood with shitar playing and sanskrit chants. Then at the end of the beautiful music the band shared with us, it was time to eat. I sat beside one of the members of the band. He was a very nice man and we talked about spirituality. Then I asked, "You are Hindu, are you not?" Then he answered, "Yes. But first, I am human just like you." I took a pause and he knew I understood what he wanted me to understand, that a religion is a way, a choice, but it does not define one to an extent that we become so different from the other. Our religion, our faith, I believe is not there to separate us from each other. It was formed to unite us.
And as people with the same label, 'human being', what indeed is the difference?
Two videos on Rachel Corrie:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UK8Z3i3aTq4&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_2Qz3E9wR8
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Exploring the Filipino Psyche Day 12: "Hospitality and Generosity"
I read an article in a Philippine newspaper, 'The Philippine Daily Inquirer', the other day about US Peace Corps volunteers being awed with the Filipinos' hospitality. One volunteer, Shashank Iyer, could not believe how his host family went out of their way to borrow a videoke machine and prepare Bicol express with tofu, ginataang puso ng saging, and vegetable curry for his birthday. His host mom, Cherry Daniel, even took quick lessons on how to cook vegetarian dishes for her new son. For the other volunteers, they said it was an experience of warmth and friendliness in our country, removing all fears of terrorism that tainted the image of the nation. And with the help of the smiles of our people, they saw the Philippines as a haven of many good hearts and yes, a great supply of hospitality.
The Filipino's hospitality to guests, I believe, comes from their generosity. And this generosity they show when they are in the country, and also when they are not. There are many heroic tendencies in the stories I have heard: A caregiver who did not want to leave Lebanon when there was a war because the old man she took care of was to end up alone if she did. So when the people from the Philippine Embassy was there to pick up our Filipinos, she chose to stay with the old man. Another story I remember is one that a friend shared and had taken from 'YouTube'. It was about the singing nurse Dominic Limpin. Dominic is a dialysis nurse in the US, and he goes the extra mile of care for his patients. He sings and dances for them. He makes sure he brings with him a song that will help not just the recovery of one's body, but more than that, the happiness of each soul. He believes this joy he has will help the healing process. And it seems the patients believe this with him, since they always would ask for the singing nurse. The willingness to give and share may be a trait many of our people have. Thus, making them quite heroic in attitude and character. One person that comes to mind as I write is a dear friend of mine, TJ Enriquez Smith. She also was a dialysis patient before her family finally found a compatible kidney for her. But before the operation, she went religiously to see the doctor to have them filter and clean her blood. And as she waited with all the other dialysis patients, she, being in pain herself, went around to give support and talk to the others who felt hopeless. "Kaya natin 'to. Hwag kayo mawawalan ng pag-asa (We can do this. Don't lose hope)." She would say, and tell them stories or be goofy with them just to keep their spirits high. She also allowed new nurses to practice on her since none of the patients wanted these new nurses to treat them. "Nagkakamali sila tapos ang sakit kasi mali yung nai-injeksyon nila, wala sa ugat. Pero paano matututo yung mga bagong nurse kung hindi sila bibigyan ng pagkakataong magpraktis (They would make mistakes and it would hurt so bad when they miss the vein. But how will the new nurses learn if no one gives them a chance to practice)?" TJ said to me once. TJ was in pain, but she continued the battle, not just for her, but also for the people she called 'classmates' in the hospital. And in return, when TJ and her family did not have enough money to pay for her visit to the hospital, her rich 'classmates' were more than willing to pay for my friend's treatment. "Basta hwag ka lang um-absent, ha (Just don't be absent, okay)?" they would tell her.
As I see it, I think somehow hospitality has become synonymous to generosity in our country, in our people. Our people, even those who have decided to work in other countries--some wanting something new, many wanting something more for their family and from life--have shared a dose of their kindness to others. Thus, becoming good representatives in showing our brothers and sisters from different nations the Filipino behavior, hopefully the behavior of many--I would like to think.
Another nurse story I heard was about a Filipina who took care of a rich old man in a coma. She talked to this rich man every day and told him stories. The day came that her contract ended and she had to come back home. So she went to his room, talked to him, and said goodbye. As a nurse, she very well knew that even when one is in a coma, this person can still hear and understand. But maybe the rich old man's family didn't know this, for they quarreled inside his room about properties and how to make him sign while he was still asleep. So when the man finally awoke, he called his lawyer and asked him to change his 'will'. He told his lawyer to look for the Filipina nurse and give her everything because she took care of him.
Now this generosity, I believe, is a trait found in the people's hospitality too. A Filipino family in the province would let guests sleep in the master's bedroom while the owners of the home sleep on the couch or mats for the night. If you pass people during lunch time and you catch them eating, they would ask you to eat with them and say, "Kain tayo (Let's eat)!" It does not matter if they know you or not, people will just offer their lunch to you. I remember a friend of mine who looked out the window of a building while we were in the second floor, he saw the mechanics of the shop beside this building eating, one mechanic saw him, and so he shouted, "Kain (Let's eat)!" "Sige lang. Kumain na ako (It's okay. I've eaten)!" Also a reminder to foreigners, if a Filipino asks you to eat with them, I noticed the security guards always do during lunch time when you enter the building they work for, it still would be better to politely say 'no', since usually the food they have is just right for them. Nonetheless, they will still share with you their food if you take them in their offer because they will be too shy to say, "I was just being polite."
Another fascinating quality of generosity is giving away things one own because the other likes it. I told my cousin once that I liked her bracelet, she removed it and gave this bracelet to me. My aunt told her friend that she thought her bag was lovely, her friend took all her things out of the bag and gave this to my aunt. I remember reading once in the newspaper about Rob Schneider, a Hollywood actor whose mother is a Filipina, saying, "What I have learned in the Philippines as a kid is to never tell my relatives that I like their stuff. I told my aunt that I liked her painting on the wall, so she took it off the wall and I went home with a new painting." And on the side of hospitality is of course the great smiles. Josh Hartnett came to the Philippines to shoot a movie. He did not mind the not very fancy hotel he was booked in. He still enjoyed his stay because he said he liked the people. I read that he would wake up very early and stay on the porch to wave and say 'good morning' to everyone. He said it was a delight to see total strangers wave and greet him back. He treated his new Filipino friends to a little party of lechon and beer on his last day.
This nice trait of ours is quite known already that we have been called the best resource of our country--the people. Though this may seem like such an over-patronizing entry, I think it is but right for us to be reminded of our good side. We do have our not so good traits, but maybe if we instill it in ourselves and not to ever forget this positive characteristics people from other nations have reputed us with, and that we do indeed have, we shall choose to improve and continuously develop this better side of us. For us not to be disheartened with the storms of bad behavior our fellow Pinoys have exposed to others: The hostage taking of foreigners and the Maguindanao massacre have made us held our heads low, shamed by these inhumane acts, making us somewhat feel unworthy. But if we never forget that there is goodness in us, that we are more kind than brutal, then maybe we could help our country more. Maybe we could be the walking reminder to others that we, the people, are indeed the best resource the Philippines has.
In my old blog site, someone asked if I could put my sources. So here is a couple of links where I got my information from:
The Singing Nurse:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mqf9c52ib9U
US Peace Corps Volunteers in the Philippines:
http://newsinfo.inquirer.net/inquirerheadlines/nation/view/20110104-312411/US-Peace-Corps-volunteers-cant-get-over-awe-of-Filipinos
The Filipino's hospitality to guests, I believe, comes from their generosity. And this generosity they show when they are in the country, and also when they are not. There are many heroic tendencies in the stories I have heard: A caregiver who did not want to leave Lebanon when there was a war because the old man she took care of was to end up alone if she did. So when the people from the Philippine Embassy was there to pick up our Filipinos, she chose to stay with the old man. Another story I remember is one that a friend shared and had taken from 'YouTube'. It was about the singing nurse Dominic Limpin. Dominic is a dialysis nurse in the US, and he goes the extra mile of care for his patients. He sings and dances for them. He makes sure he brings with him a song that will help not just the recovery of one's body, but more than that, the happiness of each soul. He believes this joy he has will help the healing process. And it seems the patients believe this with him, since they always would ask for the singing nurse. The willingness to give and share may be a trait many of our people have. Thus, making them quite heroic in attitude and character. One person that comes to mind as I write is a dear friend of mine, TJ Enriquez Smith. She also was a dialysis patient before her family finally found a compatible kidney for her. But before the operation, she went religiously to see the doctor to have them filter and clean her blood. And as she waited with all the other dialysis patients, she, being in pain herself, went around to give support and talk to the others who felt hopeless. "Kaya natin 'to. Hwag kayo mawawalan ng pag-asa (We can do this. Don't lose hope)." She would say, and tell them stories or be goofy with them just to keep their spirits high. She also allowed new nurses to practice on her since none of the patients wanted these new nurses to treat them. "Nagkakamali sila tapos ang sakit kasi mali yung nai-injeksyon nila, wala sa ugat. Pero paano matututo yung mga bagong nurse kung hindi sila bibigyan ng pagkakataong magpraktis (They would make mistakes and it would hurt so bad when they miss the vein. But how will the new nurses learn if no one gives them a chance to practice)?" TJ said to me once. TJ was in pain, but she continued the battle, not just for her, but also for the people she called 'classmates' in the hospital. And in return, when TJ and her family did not have enough money to pay for her visit to the hospital, her rich 'classmates' were more than willing to pay for my friend's treatment. "Basta hwag ka lang um-absent, ha (Just don't be absent, okay)?" they would tell her.
As I see it, I think somehow hospitality has become synonymous to generosity in our country, in our people. Our people, even those who have decided to work in other countries--some wanting something new, many wanting something more for their family and from life--have shared a dose of their kindness to others. Thus, becoming good representatives in showing our brothers and sisters from different nations the Filipino behavior, hopefully the behavior of many--I would like to think.
Another nurse story I heard was about a Filipina who took care of a rich old man in a coma. She talked to this rich man every day and told him stories. The day came that her contract ended and she had to come back home. So she went to his room, talked to him, and said goodbye. As a nurse, she very well knew that even when one is in a coma, this person can still hear and understand. But maybe the rich old man's family didn't know this, for they quarreled inside his room about properties and how to make him sign while he was still asleep. So when the man finally awoke, he called his lawyer and asked him to change his 'will'. He told his lawyer to look for the Filipina nurse and give her everything because she took care of him.
Now this generosity, I believe, is a trait found in the people's hospitality too. A Filipino family in the province would let guests sleep in the master's bedroom while the owners of the home sleep on the couch or mats for the night. If you pass people during lunch time and you catch them eating, they would ask you to eat with them and say, "Kain tayo (Let's eat)!" It does not matter if they know you or not, people will just offer their lunch to you. I remember a friend of mine who looked out the window of a building while we were in the second floor, he saw the mechanics of the shop beside this building eating, one mechanic saw him, and so he shouted, "Kain (Let's eat)!" "Sige lang. Kumain na ako (It's okay. I've eaten)!" Also a reminder to foreigners, if a Filipino asks you to eat with them, I noticed the security guards always do during lunch time when you enter the building they work for, it still would be better to politely say 'no', since usually the food they have is just right for them. Nonetheless, they will still share with you their food if you take them in their offer because they will be too shy to say, "I was just being polite."
Another fascinating quality of generosity is giving away things one own because the other likes it. I told my cousin once that I liked her bracelet, she removed it and gave this bracelet to me. My aunt told her friend that she thought her bag was lovely, her friend took all her things out of the bag and gave this to my aunt. I remember reading once in the newspaper about Rob Schneider, a Hollywood actor whose mother is a Filipina, saying, "What I have learned in the Philippines as a kid is to never tell my relatives that I like their stuff. I told my aunt that I liked her painting on the wall, so she took it off the wall and I went home with a new painting." And on the side of hospitality is of course the great smiles. Josh Hartnett came to the Philippines to shoot a movie. He did not mind the not very fancy hotel he was booked in. He still enjoyed his stay because he said he liked the people. I read that he would wake up very early and stay on the porch to wave and say 'good morning' to everyone. He said it was a delight to see total strangers wave and greet him back. He treated his new Filipino friends to a little party of lechon and beer on his last day.
This nice trait of ours is quite known already that we have been called the best resource of our country--the people. Though this may seem like such an over-patronizing entry, I think it is but right for us to be reminded of our good side. We do have our not so good traits, but maybe if we instill it in ourselves and not to ever forget this positive characteristics people from other nations have reputed us with, and that we do indeed have, we shall choose to improve and continuously develop this better side of us. For us not to be disheartened with the storms of bad behavior our fellow Pinoys have exposed to others: The hostage taking of foreigners and the Maguindanao massacre have made us held our heads low, shamed by these inhumane acts, making us somewhat feel unworthy. But if we never forget that there is goodness in us, that we are more kind than brutal, then maybe we could help our country more. Maybe we could be the walking reminder to others that we, the people, are indeed the best resource the Philippines has.
In my old blog site, someone asked if I could put my sources. So here is a couple of links where I got my information from:
The Singing Nurse:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mqf9c52ib9U
US Peace Corps Volunteers in the Philippines:
http://newsinfo.inquirer.net/inquirerheadlines/nation/view/20110104-312411/US-Peace-Corps-volunteers-cant-get-over-awe-of-Filipinos
Exploring the Filipino Psyche Day 11: "I'll try" instead of "Sorry, I can't go."
Filipinos love to party, go out of town or have a night out with a few friends, or many. We love doing enjoyable things with some or several people around us. We like having a nice dinner or coffee with friends and meeting them when we can. We laugh and take pleasure with the exchange of anecdotes or side comments of those with us. But before the gathering, is the planning stage. And in the planning stage we call our friends and tell them the date and place. Those who can go answer with a definite 'Yes!' But those who cannot go will answer with 'I'll try', or will not answer at all. Somehow I understand the hesitance to respond of those who cannot go, because I have noticed that there are those who cannot take 'no' for an answer. It is nice to know, though, that now that I am older, 'no' has been an acceptable answer.
So here is my next question: "Why is it hard for us to accept a decline of a friend when we invite them?" Okay, I do understand the little disappointment that comes with it since we would have really wanted our friend to spend time with us, but I have noticed that sometimes we get very disappointed with the choice of unattendance that we end up getting angry at our friend or feeling very hurt and offended. So I wonder... Do we feel rejected when a friend says no? Do we take it personally and think they just do not want to see us that is why they would say no? As I have mentioned, it has become a little different, now that I am older, it has become easier--at least for me--but thinking back, it was quite difficult when I was younger. There were a few arguments and even bigger tampo (a word that closely means disappointment, and is mixed with giving the cold shoulder to the person it is being addressed to) whenever I would say no. Maybe because when we are younger, responsibilities are not as much as when we get older, so we expect our friends to be able to say yes to many of our invitations. And when they cannot go, we get angry, offended, or very hurt. Thus, making many stick to the "I'll try" response instead. But why should we get angry, offended, or very hurt when we ourselves cannot make it to every nigh-out, dinner, party our friends invite us to? I guess we have to remember that our friends have other friends, too, that we are not the only ones in their lives. Just like us, they have friends from when they were very young, in college, at work, and from many more ways they have met the people they know. A friend of mine, who is a psychologist, told me once: "Never use a friend as a reason why you cannot go out to see your other friends. Family is okay, it can be acceptable. But another friend, maybe not." So I asked her and also thought to myself, "Why not?" Me and my stubborn ways did not want to accept it. I did not and do not want to follow that rule. Because why was it unacceptable? Our friends have other friends, and that is an inevitable fact.
So it made me wonder again: Are many of us possessive friends? Do we feel rejected if a friend declines an invitation? And because we ourselves do not like 'no', we say, "I'll try" instead? Maybe it would be better to be less possessive and let our friends just tell the truth when they cannot go. I understand 'out of the country' trips or an 'out of town' plan since we need to check our schedules first and save up for a cruise or trip away from home, so an "I'll try" answer, more often than not, is the truth--that we shall indeed try. But when we cannot make it to a party or gathering, we sometimes say "I'll try" instead of an outright "I can't go." And this is because some of us, or maybe more than just a few, are very sensitive with 'no'. Sometimes I think we need to grow more confidence in our relationships with friends. Friends are not possessions, they are people we care for. And when they cannot see us for one reason or another, it does not mean they love us less. It just means they are busy and maybe have other things they need to do. And why should we be sensitive with a decline anyway, when we ourselves would need to say no to maybe not just a few but many invitations? And I think any reason is valid as long as it is not being disrespectful to the other. If we decline properly and also be understanding ourselves, then the answer "I can't go" I think is fine. Because there are other things we may want to do aside from having a fun night with friends. And these other things are not bad things. On the contrary, it may be a journey to personal growth, improvement, or happiness. It can be anything. So if we were to do the same and may have to refuse invitations of friends, then why take it against them when they cannot make it and refuse us back? And one thing I have noticed, the more we demand, the less they want to see us. We just become an obligation to them when we force them. And those friends that do not demand at all, those are the friends they want to see all the time.
Friends are people we chose to love. They are not to own. They are not our accessories. They are individuals. And just like anyone, it is their happiness that should be our priority if we really want them around. If we want them to stick around, then maybe it is better to accept 'no' as an answer--not with a heavy heart, but with an understanding one. Our friends have other friends, just like us. And sometimes there will be days that they have to, or just want to, see those other friends of theirs. And that should be fine. I do not think we should compete with the friends of our friends. We do not own anyone, and we never will. So to let them know that we do care for them dearly, maybe it would be nice if we make them feel more free. Maybe it would be better to not take things personally, but just to understand that just like us, they have other things they need or want to do.
So next time when we invite them and they finally send a message on our phones and say, "Sorry, I can't go," and as we look at that text message again and disapprove the decline in our invitation, I guess it would be nice for us to do a little rundown in our heads and remember the memories these friends have generously shared with us. And if most of them are beautiful, then we cannot deny that they are truly our gifts. And as priceless presents, they are not to be possessed, but only cherished.
So here is my next question: "Why is it hard for us to accept a decline of a friend when we invite them?" Okay, I do understand the little disappointment that comes with it since we would have really wanted our friend to spend time with us, but I have noticed that sometimes we get very disappointed with the choice of unattendance that we end up getting angry at our friend or feeling very hurt and offended. So I wonder... Do we feel rejected when a friend says no? Do we take it personally and think they just do not want to see us that is why they would say no? As I have mentioned, it has become a little different, now that I am older, it has become easier--at least for me--but thinking back, it was quite difficult when I was younger. There were a few arguments and even bigger tampo (a word that closely means disappointment, and is mixed with giving the cold shoulder to the person it is being addressed to) whenever I would say no. Maybe because when we are younger, responsibilities are not as much as when we get older, so we expect our friends to be able to say yes to many of our invitations. And when they cannot go, we get angry, offended, or very hurt. Thus, making many stick to the "I'll try" response instead. But why should we get angry, offended, or very hurt when we ourselves cannot make it to every nigh-out, dinner, party our friends invite us to? I guess we have to remember that our friends have other friends, too, that we are not the only ones in their lives. Just like us, they have friends from when they were very young, in college, at work, and from many more ways they have met the people they know. A friend of mine, who is a psychologist, told me once: "Never use a friend as a reason why you cannot go out to see your other friends. Family is okay, it can be acceptable. But another friend, maybe not." So I asked her and also thought to myself, "Why not?" Me and my stubborn ways did not want to accept it. I did not and do not want to follow that rule. Because why was it unacceptable? Our friends have other friends, and that is an inevitable fact.
So it made me wonder again: Are many of us possessive friends? Do we feel rejected if a friend declines an invitation? And because we ourselves do not like 'no', we say, "I'll try" instead? Maybe it would be better to be less possessive and let our friends just tell the truth when they cannot go. I understand 'out of the country' trips or an 'out of town' plan since we need to check our schedules first and save up for a cruise or trip away from home, so an "I'll try" answer, more often than not, is the truth--that we shall indeed try. But when we cannot make it to a party or gathering, we sometimes say "I'll try" instead of an outright "I can't go." And this is because some of us, or maybe more than just a few, are very sensitive with 'no'. Sometimes I think we need to grow more confidence in our relationships with friends. Friends are not possessions, they are people we care for. And when they cannot see us for one reason or another, it does not mean they love us less. It just means they are busy and maybe have other things they need to do. And why should we be sensitive with a decline anyway, when we ourselves would need to say no to maybe not just a few but many invitations? And I think any reason is valid as long as it is not being disrespectful to the other. If we decline properly and also be understanding ourselves, then the answer "I can't go" I think is fine. Because there are other things we may want to do aside from having a fun night with friends. And these other things are not bad things. On the contrary, it may be a journey to personal growth, improvement, or happiness. It can be anything. So if we were to do the same and may have to refuse invitations of friends, then why take it against them when they cannot make it and refuse us back? And one thing I have noticed, the more we demand, the less they want to see us. We just become an obligation to them when we force them. And those friends that do not demand at all, those are the friends they want to see all the time.
Friends are people we chose to love. They are not to own. They are not our accessories. They are individuals. And just like anyone, it is their happiness that should be our priority if we really want them around. If we want them to stick around, then maybe it is better to accept 'no' as an answer--not with a heavy heart, but with an understanding one. Our friends have other friends, just like us. And sometimes there will be days that they have to, or just want to, see those other friends of theirs. And that should be fine. I do not think we should compete with the friends of our friends. We do not own anyone, and we never will. So to let them know that we do care for them dearly, maybe it would be nice if we make them feel more free. Maybe it would be better to not take things personally, but just to understand that just like us, they have other things they need or want to do.
So next time when we invite them and they finally send a message on our phones and say, "Sorry, I can't go," and as we look at that text message again and disapprove the decline in our invitation, I guess it would be nice for us to do a little rundown in our heads and remember the memories these friends have generously shared with us. And if most of them are beautiful, then we cannot deny that they are truly our gifts. And as priceless presents, they are not to be possessed, but only cherished.
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